Lost
by jibber59
Summary: A tale of loss (and recovery?) WARNINGS: This is more graphic, angsty and at times bleak than my usual stories. Definite adult language and scenes of described violence. May not be as graphic as some things I've read, but stronger than I usually write. And be patient with me on this, I promise things aren't quite as bad as they seem - probably.
1. Chapter 1

Mary Travis wrapped her shawl a little tighter around her shoulders against the cold morning chill. The sun had yet to warm up Four Corners and there was still a dampness from the dew. She glanced toward the saloon, not yet open for the day, and the chill got a little deeper. The curtains were still closed in the room upstairs, as they had been for almost four months. She wondered when the men were going to relent and finally go to pack things up. She also wondered if Inez would let them. Feeling eyes upon her, she looked around to see Mrs. Potter watching. She'd been preparing to open the store for the day, and, now that she had Mary's attention, waved her over.

"I should be getting some deliveries later today, including the ink you sent for. I'll get it over to you as soon as I can."

"No hurry. I still have plenty for this week's paper. Probably enough for the next one too."

"Have you heard anything lately from Mr. Wilmington or Mr. Dunne?"

"No, but I was just on my way to check with Chris for any word. Not that I'm really expecting to hear anything new after all this time."

"They're not giving up on him, are they?"

"Well, they don't want to. But I think the passage of time is beginning to wear on them all." She pulled at the shawl again, and Mrs. Potter took the hint.

"You get on your way then. And if you hear anything at all…" Mary hurried toward the jail house, opening the door quietly hoping Chris was getting some rest since the town had been quiet. Not surprisingly, he wasn't relaxing.

"Morning Mary. Everything okay?" He sat up straighter, pushing aside the papers he been sorting.

"Everything's fine. Just thought I'd check in with you before putting the newspaper together. Doesn't seem to be a lot to report this week, other than Mrs. Dobson's baby and the new ice house being built behind the saloon."

"Got nothing I can add to that." He smiled sadly. "Nothing at all."

"Still hoping to see him show up on a poster?" Mary's tone indicated she thought that was a waste of time.

"At this point, I'd almost be relieved. Running out of places to look for him. And I'm pretty sure I've telegraphed every law man in the country to ask if anyone has seen Ezra."

"Oren's been doing the same." Chris didn't hide his surprise. He knew Judge Travis had expressed his concerns when Ezra disappeared, but had no idea the man was taking an active interest. "He knows that Ezra is important to the town – to the team. He's talking to folks in every town he goes to, and sending a lot of telegraphs too. I take it Maude has been no further help?"

"Further help? She's been none at all. Says he's disappeared any number of times before and eventually showed up again. She doesn't get that he's not that man anymore."

Mary smiled at the clear meaning of the sentiment, but lost the expression as the significance set in. "You think he's dead?" she asked softly.

"Not sure. I know he didn't just take off. Yeah, he was mad at me when he headed out of town to pick up that stuff for the judge, but he wouldn't have just left for good without saying so. Might be pissed off enough to do it to me, but not to the others. And not to Inez."

"Inez?" Mary feigned ignorance, and had the grace to be embarrassed about it when Chris just stared at her. "Well, it isn't like the two of them were keeping company."

"The two of them were just too dense to recognize it. Any fool could see there was something there. Well, almost any fool. Buck still figured he had a chance."

"He never did. Not with Ezra in the picture. Oh, I didn't mean he'd do anything…"

"Relax Mary. I know." Chris sighed deeply. "Next time he and JD check in I'm gonna order them back. This has got to stop."

"You can't be giving up?"

"No, but we're just wasting our time like this. And spreading ourselves too thin. Those two out of town all the time, Nathan doing all the doctoring for miles around and Josiah without much focus on anything outside of that church of his. That leaves me and Vin to do all the law work. Don't mind, but when something comes up, we could be in trouble."

"They won't be happy."

"Course not. None of us are." He slammed his fists on the desk. "It's the damned not knowing." He looked up apologetically. "Sorry 'bout the language." Mary just shrugged, waving it off. She'd heard far worse. "If we knew he'd left us. Knew he was dead. If we knew anything. But like this – what if he needs help? What if he's somewhere counting on us?" He lowered his voice almost to a whisper. "What if he thinks we ran out on him? Is that what I'm doing?"

"You're doing what you have to do Chris. You're right, you can't just wander around hoping to run across something. You can't follow a trail that isn't there."

"When I was in that hell hole of a prison, they kept searching."

"They had leads. You followed everything you could, and you'll keep doing that, but you know you've got to do what's right for the town. Isn't that what Ezra would want?"

"He'd deny it with everything in him, and with words nobody else understood, but yeah he would."

Any further discussion was cut off by the opening of the jail house door. Chris moved forward, not sure what to expect, but relaxed on seeing Bob Campbell enter. "Sorry to interrupt you. Morning Mrs. Travis. Got a telegraph from Wilmington. Thought you'd want to see it right off Chris." He handed the paper over and left in a hurry, not wanting to be there when it was read.

"Buck found something. Doesn't say what, but he and JD are coming home."

"What do you think it means?"

Chris's face was grim. "Don't know. But, I think if it was good news, he'd have said."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

 _the night before_

Two men rode into Yorkton, heading first for the Sheriff's office.

"Should update Chris on where we are Buck. He said to check in regular like."

"After we ask some questions here kid. Might as well see if we have anything to tell him."

"How long to you figure until he tells us to come home?"

"Maybe another week, at most."

"We going back?" Buck just shrugged his answer. JD wanted to ask more, but there wasn't much to be said. He'd lost count of the number of towns they'd been in, asking about a gambler in a red coat. They'd checked out every livery, stable, and corral they passed, hoping to find Chaucer. Man and beast had, it seemed, simply vanished. They weren't alone in the search. Vin had been using every contact he'd ever made in the native communities, hoping someone somewhere had encountered Ezra, or at least had heard something about him.

"You talk to the Sheriff kid. I'll get us a couple of bunks for the night." He nodded toward the hotel sign. "We can ask around town in the morning. Meet you in the saloon."

Twenty minutes later they were sipping at their second beers, having made short work of the first. Not surprisingly, the Sheriff had no news for them, and the desk clerk at the hotel was equally unable to offer any insight. Both men ate their dinner without really tasting it, which under the circumstances was probably a good thing. The laughter and activity in the saloon didn't suit the mood they were in. JD couldn't remember the last time they joined in on a poker game. Then he realized it was probably because they hadn't. Not once since they'd started their quest. They'd talked to the players, but never sat down to a hand.

Now, as they finished up the stew, they could hear the chatter that meant a game was setting up behind them. Buck sighed to himself. He didn't really want to ask, because he become far too accustomed to the answers. Some of the players knew Ezra, none had seen him. And all of them wanted Buck to either ante up or leave them alone.

He stood, JD following a beat behind, and turned to the table. He froze in place, eyes going black. Four men sat at the table ahead of them. Three of them almost disappeared from his sight as he focused on the fourth. A big man, scruffy looking with salt-and-pepper hair, wearing us a once brightly coloured sarape. Everything about the men seemed foul, and how anyone could stand to be at the table with him was a mystery. But none of that was what drew Buck's attention. It was his hat. Buck couldn't take his eyes off the man's hat. No, not his hat. Ezra's hat.

"You think there could be more than one of those out in these parts?" JD had immediately focused on it as well.

"Doubt it. And it sure as shit ain't his style." Buck slipped his jacket back, making sure he had quick clean access to his gun. Seeing the move, JD did the same as they approached the table.

"That's some hat you got there, friend. Where did it come from?"

"None of your damn business. Play or leave."

Buck stepped closer, while JD moved over to the table beside them, still standing. "See, reason I ask, is a friend of mine has one just like it. Always said it was made special for him, so I gotta admit I'm wondering how you come to have it."

"Ain't the only hat in the world."

"Yeah, but likely the only one with an ace of spades engraved into the band." The others at the table eased back in their seats, knowing things were about to get more than a little unpleasant.

"It's none of your damn business," he growled again. He made to reach for his gun and Buck and JD both drew as Buck snapped his leg up to kick the weapon out of his opponent's hand. An instant later a small derringer popped from his sleeve into his right hand, aimed at Buck. They were almost too stunned to react, but JD managed to reach out and slam the thug's arm onto the table. He heard the crack of a bone, immediately followed by the shriek of agony. Buck reached out and grabbed him by his jacket. "You ain't even begun to hurt, you son of a bitch."

One of the other gamblers scrambled from the table. "Don't know him Mister. He's not from around these parts." The others were rapidly nodding their heads in agreement. Buck could see they were too busy being scared to lie about it. "I can go get Sheriff Walters for you –"

"No need. We're law. We got this."

"You can't just take me away. I need a doctor."

JD favoured him with a maniacal grin. "Oh, we got a healer who will be real happy to work on your injuries."

Buck threw some coins on the table and headed the man outside.

"Where do we take him?" JD asked.

"You don't. I do." Buck spun when he heard the voice, gun at the ready, but pulled back at the sight of the Sheriff's badge.

"Thanks, but we got this, Sheriff."

"I know who you are and why you're here. But I got a town to keep order in. He comes with me to the jail. I'll lock him up." Buck tried to interrupt with no success. "Now, given that I'm short on deputies, I'd be more than happy to accept your offer to watch over him for the night. No one else in there to disrupt any questioning you might want to do."

Buck allowed a slow smile to come to his face. Under normal circumstances, he be less than pleased with the Sheriff's willingness to turn a blind eye to this. But these weren't normal circumstances, and Buck had the impression Walters knew it.

"He busted my hand Sheriff. Just look at them. You can't leave me with them."

"Doc Hazlett will be back tomorrow afternoon. He'll look at you then. Do me a favour, boys. Wrap up any wounds. Blood is a real bitch to clean up." Walters tossed JD the keys to the jail and headed home for the night.

"Told you, I found the hat, and the rigging is mine. You got no right to lock me up." Hayes told them again. His name was the only bit of information he'd given.

Buck stared at the men in the cell, not blinking. He was tired of doing this the proper way. He promised Chris before leaving on this latest search that he wouldn't forget which side of the law he was on. He was deeply regretting that promise.

"JD. We're forgetting our duty. We have us a wounded prisoner here. Now don't you think we should be trying to set that broken arm of his? I know that's kind of tricky to do, but three or four tries and we'll probably get it right." He reached out and grabbed the broken limb turning it sharply. Hayes shrieked out, but JD reached over to muffle the sound.

"Don't think that one worked Buck. Maybe you need to try again."

Buck reached out again but stopped at the rapid shaking of Hayes head. JD removed his hand, wiping the saliva on the prisoner's shirt. He struggled for a minute to catch his breath before speaking.

"Won them off him. Fair and square in a poker game - no don't," he shouted when Buck grabbed the arm again. "Okay, we took them from him. But he cheated us. So, we took back from him."

It was JD's turn to stare the man down. "First place, Ezra doesn't cheat. He doesn't need to, especially not against the likes of you. And in the second place, no way does he hand over his hat and rigging. So, how did you get them?"

"Wasn't my idea." Hayes blurted out. The pain was making it harder to think straight, but he had figured out these guys were not going to give up. Maybe if he could put all the blame on Thompson, they'd let them live. At least long enough to find a way out.

'We saw him there, playin' cards. Thought he was better than us with his fancy clothes and that red coat. All them fancy words. Saw his type all my life – putting on like he's something special. Well he weren't so special when we finished with him." Hayes got so caught up in the memory he forgot who he was speaking to.

"We got him after the saloon closed. Didn't think we'd have the chance, then he went to feed his horse. Treated the stupid animal to peppermints. We should'a shot the horse then, right in front of them, but didn't want to make so much noise. We brought it with us though. That way everybody would think the bastard'd left town. And he did, just not like he planned. Then the damn horse ran off. I bet most of our money was probably in the saddlebags. So we made him pay in other ways. Red weren't so high and mighty when he was screaming. Busted him up good we did. His face, his hands- them damn cheating hands. Thompson stomped on them. When he tried to run, we busted his leg.

Joey took his belt and beat him with that too. Whooped him good. Just like all those southern bastards did to him on the plantations. He screamed then too. A lot. Stopped screaming after a while. After that, Joey really went to work on him. Joey, see he liked hurting men in different ways. I don't. I think it's pretty sick – you know, not natural. But Joey, he had a lot of fun with Red. Pretty soon though it weren't fun for no one. Red just stared off. Didn't scream no more. Or talk or anything. Took all the fun out of it, so we just tossed him down a hill into the river and left." He leaned his head against the wall, grinning until he looked up and saw the murderous hate on Buck's face.

"Don't kill him Buck. Sheriff may be on our side, but he can't ignore that."

"Don't really care about that. Bastard deserves it."

"Damn straight. But not like this. At the end of a rope. Legal."

"I can put him at the end of a rope right now."

"I said legal Buck. Besides, the others deserve to be there. They're going to want to see him swing too."

Buck reluctantly loosened the grip he had, tossing Hayes to the floor and slamming the cell door hard enough that it bounced back open again. "Where's the rest of it?"

Hayes looked up at the blank stare. "What money we got is long gone. Like I said, weren't all that much."

"Enough to make killing him worthwhile."

"Nah – that was just to teach him a lesson." Buck charged through the door again, gun drawn.

"Buck, damn it, no."

"Where. Is. HIs. Stuff."

"I don't –"

Buck cocked the gun. "Ring. Pocket watch. Where?"

"My saddlebags. Horse's tied up back at the saloon."

Buck stared him down for a full 60 seconds before releasing his weapon. He stepped back and locked the door, looking over to JD. "I'll go check the bags. You stay with him. Better chance he won't die unexpected like."

A few minutes later he was back at the jail, dumping of the contents of the bag on the desk.

"You steal all of this?" Hayes didn't answer as Buck began to inventory what was there. "We'll leave this with the Sheriff. Maybe he can sort through –" He froze when he lifted a billfold. Ezra's pocket watch sat underneath. He reached out slowly for it. JD spoke quietly, pointing to another item. "There's the ring." The two men turned to stare as the prisoner to tried to crawl further into his corner.

"Where's Joe Thompson?" Buck snarled, barely keeping himself reined in. "Where's the perverted little son of a bitch?"

Hayes continued to push back into the corner of his cell, knowing they likely wouldn't believe him. "He's dead. Tried to hold up a stagecoach a couple of weeks back. I got clear, but they got him."

"Convenient."

"Why would I lie? Why would I protect him?"

"He's right Buck. Besides, that should be easy enough to check out. Sheriff can do it for us tomorrow." He looked at the clock. "Make that later today." He sat down behind the desk, feeling more tired than he ever had, than he'd ever thought possible.

"Kid, listen to me. The others don't need to know all that detail. Ezra wouldn't want them knowing all that."

"I know. It was bad enough that it happened. He'd – well he'd just have died from embarrassment if he thought folks knew that."

"Chris should know. Can't really say why, but he should." Buck dreaded having to repeat the story.

"Yeah, but not the others. And definitely not Josiah." JD looked at the prisoner again. "Can we change the way he looks?"

"Thought you didn't want me beating the shit out of him?"

"That's not what I mean. Look at him Buck. Big guy, greyish hair, sarape. He's a butt ugly version of Josiah."

"Well, maybe a little."

"Josiah will see it. And he'll figure that the last thing Ezra saw was a man who looked like him doing the killing."

Buck hadn't thought of it that way. "Yeah. That won't sit well. We'll clean him up. Shave him, lose the sarape. Best we can do." He rubbed a tired hand over his face. "I'll send Chris a telegraph in the morning."

"Saying what?"

"That we're coming home. Not gonna tell him anything else that way."

"He'll know it's bad."

"Yeah, I know."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

It was late afternoon when word got to the saloon that three riders were headed to town. Since Buck's telegraph the day before, everyone had been expecting the two lawmakers return, and the sighting of a third horse had everyone suddenly optimistic. The lawmen had gathered at the usual spot, knowing they'd have no trouble being aware of the pending arrival. They walked toward the edge of town, not sharing the growing sense of hope that was spreading. Buck wouldn't have kept good news like that secret. As they got closer, and it became apparent the third man was a prisoner, the street cleared quickly.

"Nice of you to bring us to present Buck. What've you got there?" Chris asked as they all dismounted. Before Buck could answer, Nathan spotted the mangled arm. "What the hell have you got him riding in that condition for? He's in no shape."

"Don't care if his arms fall off." Buck stated simply.

The dead tone in his voice told them all they needed to hear. "Get him to the jail," Chris ordered, moving to block the anticipated move by Josiah. He turned when none came. The man was statue still in place, no reaction displayed on his face. "Josiah? You with us?"

"Don't ask me to guard him Chris. I won't do it."

"You don't have to. None of you have to."

"Is that him?" Chris spun at the sound of Inez's voice, and froze at the sight. "Put the gun down Inez."

"Did he hurt Ezra? Did he kill him?"

Buck took a step towards her, seeing the look on her face that told the whole story. "You don't want to do this darlin'. Ezra wouldn't want you to do this."

They turned to face her, desperate to talk to woman out of a fatal mistake. Hayes saw the moment he'd been hoping for and reached out to grab a gun from the closest holster. He barely had his fingers on it when a shot rang out, dropping him instantly. Josiah stood watching the smoke rising from the barrel of his gun. "He was trying to escape." He spoke quietly, holstering the weapon and walking away.

 ** _TBC_**

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7


	2. Chapter 2

_Three weeks later_

There was a slow defining of a new normal in Four Corners. Ezra had been gone for so long that little of the adjusted routine changed. If anything, things were more settled. Vin had left town the day after Hayes died, riding to where they figured Ezra's body had been left. He didn't expect to find anything at this point, nature and scavengers being very good at clearing remains. He'd wandered, searching for a couple of days before finding a fox den nested with scraps of red fabric. He pulled several pieces out, cleaning them as best he could, then mounted up and headed home.

Josiah talked some about leaving, finding new roots, but instead returned to working on the church. Nathan proposed to Rain, deciding life was too short to keep putting things off indefinitely. They hadn't set a date yet. That would keep for a while.

Most evenings found the men at the saloon, at a different table to where they'd always sat before. Inez said nothing more about that day, about her role in what happened, and no one questioned her about it. The only change had been that Buck no longer flirted with her.

They were at their table, setting up patrols and schedules for the week ahead, when Mary entered. It wasn't the first time she'd been in the saloon, but it was a rare enough event to get their attention.

"Don't worry, nothing's wrong. At least, I don't think anything is. I got a telegraph from Oren. He'll be arriving day after tomorrow and says he needs you all to be here. In town."

"Take it he didn't say why?"

"No Chris. It's really not like him to be so vague."

"Where's he been?"

"On the circuit. Nothing different that I knew about, but he was due back last week. He let us know he'd be late and I think he went to St. Louis."

"Well that's not normal," Buck stated the obvious.

"Wish I could tell you more. I knew you were planning patrols, so I thought I should let you know."

"Stage is due in around 2 o'clock that day, right?" Vin asked.

"That's the other strange thing. He won't be on it. He'll be coming from Nettie's. Asked that one of you leave a horse out there for him. And before you ask, yes, he sent her a telegram. Said he needed a favour and would explain when he saw her."

"Could be something about Maude." JD guessed. "She might've been in St. Louis. Coming here and…" He faded off, not knowing how to end the thought.

"Can you see Maude staying with Nettie? Even visiting her? She'd come into town." Buck was certain.

"Not if she wanted to avoid us. Maybe just coming to get his things."

Chris knew Josiah's explanation couldn't be right. "Already told her I'd send them to her. She told me not to waste my time."

"She really that cold-hearted?" JD couldn't imagine a mother not caring about her son that way. Being so detached. It sure wasn't like he'd been with his ma.

"I think she might just be that lost JD. Didn't really know how to connect with him in the past, and knows she can't do it now." Mary hoped for Ezra's sake that that was the truth, and not just her own maternal instincts coming through.

"We can guess for the next two days and likely be no closer to the truth. Probably has nothing to do with Ezra. JD, run out to Nettie's with a horse from the livery." He knew the kid would benefit from a visit with Casey while running the errand.

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

Mary decided the smartest option for her was to stay out of the way, so she decided to wait until evening to see her father-in-law. The six men, however, waited with varying degrees of patience for the judge to arrive.

Chris whittled away at a number of small branches, creating only a pile of kindling chips for his efforts. Vin cleaned his gun to the point it was shining. Nathan and Buck seemed, at least on the surface, to be fairly calm. Although the fact that each sat up straighter every time they could see a horse in the distance gave the truth away. JD had patrolled from one end of town to the other several times. That's what he said he was doing. Anyone else would just call it pacing.

Chris was on his feet the second he recognized the incoming rider. He forced himself to let the judge come to them, which he did only after returning his horse. He walked to the saloon where they had all gathered, but shook his head. "Not in there. Need privacy. Any prisoners in the jail?"

"McIntyre was, but he was just sleeping off last night's drunk and I just left him there. Door was open, so he's likely gone."

The men settled as best they could, leaving the best seat for Travis, but he didn't take it. He pulled a particularly good whiskey from his bag and poured it into whatever receptacles were available.

"That was Ezra's brand." Vin noted. "We drinking to him?" It only then it occurred to him that they hadn't seen Travis since they tracked Ezra's fate, although Chris had met up with him to let him know what happened. Travis remembered again the anger, the quiet rage he'd felt at the time. This wasn't how Standish should've died. Hurt, abandoned, victimized. After the life he'd had and the changes he'd made, it simply wasn't right that he'd been brutalized like that and then left to die alone.

"Sort of." Travis tossed his drink back. "Gentlemen. Ezra Standish is alive."

"With all due respect judge, that ain't funny." Buck did his best to keep his voice calm.

"I know that Wilmington. It isn't meant to be."

"Judge – Oren –" Chris's voice was strained. "You sure? This isn't just some rumour?"

"He is out at Mrs. Wells ranch, where I left him an hour ago. Gentlemen. SIT!" They had all leapt to their feet and were halfway to the door. "The worst thing you could do right now is go barreling out there. He wouldn't respond well."

"What the hell do you mean? He doesn't want to see us?" JD was beyond confused. "Why else would he come back?"

Nathan looked at the judge. "How bad was he hurt?"

Chris and Buck exchanged guilty looks. While Buck had kept his promise to let Chris know the details, they hadn't shared the information with anyone else. All they had been told was that Ezra had been killed as the result of a poker game gone bad. Now it seemed likely the truth was going to come out.

The judge took a deep breath before answering Nathan's question. "Very badly. As you know, he was left for dead, and it was nothing less than a full-fledged miracle that he survived at all."

"His memory gone then?" Nathan had seen this type of problem far too often during his tenure as a stretcher bearer in the war. Men wounded to the point they lost themselves. He hated the thought that it happened to Ezra.

"Hard to say. Look, everybody just sit back down and I'll tell you what I know."

"He safe out there?" Chris asked.

"He's with Mrs. Wells. What do you think?" Travis smiled for the first time. "I'd sooner fight off a mother grizzly."

Reluctantly the team sat down again, all eyes focused on the man.

"I was on the road for a meeting with the few of the other territorial judges. Afterwards we went out for a few drinks, and one of them asked if I'd ever tracked down the fellow I'd been sending telegrams about. Told them the basics of what you had shared with me. When I finished one of the other judges, fairly new from the east, spoke up.

Couple of months back, he'd signed the paperwork to have a John Doe committed to the Sisters of Grace sanatorium. He'd been beaten and left for dead. Family of homesteaders coming back east found him and took care of him until they arrived in Hannibal. They delivered him at the hospital there, and the administrators went to court to have him put somewhere he'd be taken care of."

Travis saw the reactions on the teams faces. He'd had the same angry reaction, imagining how much care and anonymous vagrant would be getting.

"He insisted it wasn't like that at the Sisters of Grace. Said it's was a decent place. And this fella had money. Hospital staff found it in a hidden pocket in his red jacket. Lots of it. More than enough to create a trust to take care of him for some time. Of course, I had basically stopped listening when I heard red jacket. Finished my scotch, threw enough cash on the table to buy the house a drink and charged to the nearest telegraph office. An hour later I was on my way to Hannibal to find Ezra and bring him home."

"I don't understand. Once they got him fixed up why didn't he contact us, or at least Maude?" Josiah asked.

"Told you – psychos. Beaten, probably whipped, cut, stabbed, you name it. If there is a way to hurt someone these guys knew it. Doc says there was evidence they did more than just beat him."

"They did." Buck spoke quietly. They all looked at him, but it was JD who spoke next.

"Hayes – well he told us more than we told you. You didn't need to hear it. Thompson – shit." JD tried to say more, but couldn't. The men were quiet. They knew what he meant even if they didn't want to.

"He hasn't spoken a word. Family that found him said he was unconscious. Doctors at the Sanatorium tried to get through. No luck."

"Did they wreck his voice?" JD looked terrified by the possibility.

"No – talks in his sleep. Make that nightmares. You really don't want to hear those. Other than that, doesn't speak at all."

"Was he at least glad to see you?" Chris asked with some hope in his voice

"Doesn't really seem to know who I am. Trusted me after some time. Trusts a few people, but frightened by most. You saw one of the men who did this to him, who attacked him. They were both big men. The second fella was a Negro. Anyone in those profiles now pretty much paralyzes him."

Chris rubbed a tired hand over his face. This was all too much to take in at once. "So, you left him with Nettie."

"Seems to do a little better with women. Don't know whether that's the Southern gentleman in him, or if it's just the way he is now."

Buck rose to his feet. "Question now is, what are we all doing sitting around here?"

"No way in hell am I letting you all go out there once," the judge growled. "At the best of times, you're an intimidating group. And for the moment, these are not the best of times for Ezra."

"You're telling us after all this time we don't even get to see him?" Chris challenged. "Like to see how you plan to stop us."

"I don't have to stop you" the judge observed. "You'll stop yourselves. You have any idea what it would do to him if you all showed up at once?"

Nathan hated to agree with the judge on this, but he knew the man was right. He'd seen it in the war. Shell-shocked, overwhelmed casualties of the fighting. It didn't take much to send them all the way over the edge. They couldn't let that happen to Ezra. Not if there was a chance of ever getting him back. "Okay, tell us what you think is best. You've been with him. What can he handle?"

"You're all going to have to be patient. You've waited this long, and for his sake, you're going to have to wait longer. Josiah, Buck, Nathan, even Chris. You'd be too much for him right now."

JD smiled for the first time since this started. "You mean I get to see him?" His face fell when he heard the judge's reply. "I don't think that would be a good idea either son. I'm afraid your enthusiasm might be a little much for him to handle. I know you mean well, but I have to put his concerns first."

Chris stood. "I hate to disagree with you Judge, but I'm going. I can hold back if need be, but I'm going out there to see him. Ain't a damn thing you can do to stop me."

The judge tried staring him down, but Chris was not about to back off. He needed to see for himself that Ezra was really still with them. "Fine, but you do what I say when we get out there," the judge reluctantly agreed. Chris nodded and turned to Vin. "Saddle up the horses. Looks like you and me are going for a ride."

 _ **TBC**_

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7


	3. Chapter 3

The ride out was painfully quiet. Every effort to start a conversation was crushed by the anxiety and trepidation that overwhelmed them. When they got close enough to the property, they could see Casey working out in the back. She looked up when she heard them, but made no effort to show any of her usual enthusiasm.

"You two stay here." Travis dismounted first. "I'm going to let him know there's company coming. If he doesn't look like he can handle it, you'll be waiting till he's ready." His tone left no room for discussion. Casey came over to Chris when Travis entered the house. Her eyes were red and tear stains streaked her face.

"Glad you didn't bring JD. I don't think Mr. Standish could handle all that kind of energy. I don't think JD could handle seeing him that way either." She started crying again. "I'm sorry, I thought I was cried out."

Vin put his arm around her shoulder. "Nothing to be sorry for. Nothing wrong with carrying about a friend."

Chris hadn't taken his eyes off the door, and started towards the house when he saw it open again. He stopped when he saw Nettie coming out.

"Judge Travis is still talking to him. Never would've guessed I'd been so upset about not hearing Fancy Pants talking back." She looked at Chris. "You be real gentle with him. He's as fragile as they come. You hurt him, and you'll answer to me."

"Yes ma'am. We got no intentions of hurting him. If I could have another shot at the bastard who did this…" Chris's voice got dark.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about. You can't get angry like that around him. I dropped a plate and cussed at it. He started shaking and trying to hide. Took me 15 minutes to settle him down again. You go off on one of your tantrums…"

Chris smiled despite the situation. "Why Nettie – I don't have tantrums."

She grinned back. "No, but I don't have the fancy words our friend does to describe what you do have."

The door opened again, and Travis waved them in. The control it took to walk calmly was exhausting.

Ezra sat in the far corner, back near the wall, trying to make himself invisible. His head stayed bowed, eyes darting back and forth between his two new visitors. He gripped his hands together so tightly Vin could see the whitening of his knuckles. It broke his heart to see the confident gambler shaking in fear at their entry.

They were shocked by his appearance. He was easily thirty pounds lighter than the last time they'd seen him. His complexion wasn't even dark enough to be called pale. His hair was much longer than he usually wore it, and looked like it hadn't been cut since he had disappeared. There was nothing there that reflected even a small part of the pride Ezra had always taken in his image.

"Can't tell you how good it is to see you again Ezra. You had us damn scared for a while." Vin tried to keep his tone light and voice quiet. The sound still caused Ezra to try to push further back. He seemed to be trying to climb into himself.

"Vin's right Ezra. Been quite some time since we felt like we were a team. That'll change now that you're back."

"You mind if we sit down with you?" Vin reached for a chair, causing Ezra to leap up and take refuge behind his own chair. Vin froze. "That's okay. We can stay like this. Whatever works for you, Pard."

Ezra's head came up slowly. He turned toward Vin, tilting his head slightly. The fear faded slightly, being replaced by a puzzled look. For the first time, he brought his gaze high enough to look into the faces of the others in the room. Vin tried to put on a confident smile, doubting he was succeeding. He tried to figure out what had peaked Ezra's interest. His smile became much more genuine when he figured it out.

"On second thought Pard, I think I will sit down. Maybe we can get Miss Nettie to bring us some of her famous sweet tea. You want one Chris?"

Larabee was looking at him like he lost his mind. He'd gone from slow and quiet to acting like nothing had happened. He glanced over at Ezra expecting to see a full-blown panic attack. Instead, he saw a calmer Ezra slowly moving to the side of his chair.

"Took him two days to even start to get comfortable around me – you did it in two minutes." Travis didn't understand what had happened.

"Dumb luck. I think something seemed familiar to him when I said 'Pard'." Ezra glanced at Vin again. Then, seemingly satisfied at some level, shifted his gaze to Chris.

Some of the tension returned to his face when he saw he was being watched as well. Chris noted it and diverted his eyes in an effort to relax things again. He took the glass of tea Nettie offered and gripped it so tightly he was afraid he'd break it. Noting the success Vin had had, he reached for a chair and pulled it closer to Ezra. The effect was not what he had been hoping for. Ezra's face paled further, as he once again began showing signs of a panic attack.

"Dammit Standish!" Chris reacted by reflex Vin and Travis both glared at him and he silently cursed himself out. They looked over, expecting to see Ezra again cowering behind his seat. They watched in stunned silence as the gambler instead stepped away from the chair and took two small, tentative steps towards them. He looked first towards the judge, as if assuring himself of a familiar presence, and then looked toward Vin, finally making eye contact. It took no acting for Vin to allow a wide smile to appear. Apparently satisfied, Ezra turned toward Chris. The gunslinger was used to being stared at and sized up, but he had the feeling no scrutiny had ever been this important. He scarcely dared breathe, as he watched Ezra make his judgment. There was no significant change to his face, but Ezra did seem to relax slightly as he moved and quietly sat down.

They all sat quietly sipping their tea for a few moments. No one seemed to know what to say, each afraid that the wrong words would set things off again. The stress of the brief encounter remained evident in Ezra's eyes. They could see he was trying to watch them, without actually looking at them. The tension was palpable.

"Think maybe you've had enough excitement for now." Travis moved cautiously to Ezra's side, relieved when the action met no resistance. "Why don't I get you settled down for a bit?" Ezra shied back when Travis reached out a hand, so he quickly dropped it back to his side. A moment later, Ezra stood slowly, taking a shaky step forward and slowly beginning to make his way to his room, keeping his back to the wall the whole time.

"Ezra?" He stopped at Chris's word, but didn't look. "I never, not once, thought you'd run out on us." Ezra's eyes came up to meet his. "Not once," he repeated.

"Shit." Chris spoke softly after the door closed, not wanting to risk being heard by Ezra. "Sorry Nettie," he added, remembering too late where he was.

"Don't be. That pretty much sums it up. It just about breaks my heart seeing him like that."

"He's in there." Vin said confidently. "He's buried deep, but he's still there."

"I know he seemed to react sometimes Vin but…"

"It wasn't just reacting Chris. It was what he reacted to. 'Pard'. I bet he hadn't heard anyone call him that. It was different than what he'd been used to."

"Maybe that's all it was, just something different." He didn't want to get his hopes up on such slim evidence. Not just his hopes, but everyone's. This was all hard enough to deal with. He didn't know how they'd handle things if they came this close to getting Ezra back only to discover there was really nothing of the men left.

"Maybe, but he reacted to you too."

"Yeah, with fear," Chris said with resignation.

"Sure, when we came in. Let's face it, you can be pretty imposing looking like that. Even if you ain't quite as big as Buck or Josiah. But the one time he should've been scared shi-" he caught himself, "scared of you, he wasn't. You yelled, and he mostly just seemed curious."

"Like it was familiar somehow?" Nettie wondered.

Vin smiled. "And few things would be as familiar to Ezra as Chris yelling at him." They stop talking when the door opened briefly. Travis closed it quietly behind him and joined them. "Don't know that he'll sleep, but he's resting. Mrs. Wells, I realize it might not be proper, but I believe Standish would fare better out here then he would in town."

"Well of course he's staying here. They'd be treating him like some kind of travelling show attraction if he has to go back to town right now. And anybody who wants to question my honour, or Casey's, well they can just talk to my iron skillet."

"No one would dare Nettie" Vin smiled.

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After a great deal of argument, it was finally agreed that none of the men should stay there that night. Nettie assured them she and Casey could take care of Ezra without their assistance, and he would likely do better knowing there were no men around. They rode back into town in slightly higher spirits than when they'd left.

"I know it's not much, but at least we can keep reminding Standish the bastards are dead, and he's got nothing to be afraid of anymore."

"We could if he understood what the hell we were talking about," Chris replied.

"He understands us. His mind seems to be pretty sharp from what they said about the tests they did on him."

Chris reined Pony to a stop. "Tests? What were they doing to him?"

"They were trying to find a way to help him Larabee. And I'd say all things considered they were doing a decent job."

"I've heard about the kind of tests they do in places like that," Vin offered.

"This wasn't a place like that. I was there. I saw it. Clean, decent. They made sure his attendants didn't set him off. You know how bad he been hurt, don't you Chris? How he'd been hurt?" Chris nodded, turning to explain to Vin.

"Buck told me the story they got from Hayes. Didn't figure it would do any good for the rest of you to know. For anyone else to know. Ezra wouldn't have wanted that."

Vin nodded, understanding even though he didn't like the fact they'd been kept in the dark. "I get it Chris, but we need to know now. At least enough so that we know what we're dealing with. Ezra may not like our knowing, but it will help us to help him." Chris agreed, but still wasn't ready to talk about it.

Travis took back control of the discussion. "He spent four months there healing. If they'd messed it up, he wouldn't be as good as he is now. Barely limps, can move his hands. I've seen the scars Larabee. More than you want to imagine. Nothing less than a miracle he's alive."

Chris took a deep breath, reminding himself that this was the last man he should be angry with right now. Problem was, there wasn't really any where to direct his anger, and he had so much of it he needed to give voice to.

"Look Larabee – I get it. First night when I found him I got royally drunk. Haven't done that in years. You want to help him, and you don't know how, or even if you can. You want to hurt the bastards who did this but they're already dead. You want to do something. You need to do something."

"That sums it up." Chris nodded.

"You've got a put it all away. You all do. You saw him. Anger terrifies him. Hell, just about everything terrifies him. Scary thing is, they tell me he's improved significantly from when he arrived. What does that tell you?"

"Tells me I want to dig up the bastards who did this and kill them again."

"And what else?"

Chris sighed, trying to calm down. "Tells me that, somewhere in there, Ezra's trying to get back."

"Exactly. Whether he can or not, I don't know. But the one thing we both have learned about that man is that no one should ever underestimate Ezra Standish."

 _ **TBC**_

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7


	4. Chapter 4

Once again, a new normal set into Four Corners. Everyone knew that Ezra was back. They also knew that something was wrong, seriously wrong. He was staying out of the Wells ranch, and while no one questioned the propriety of that, everyone questioned the reason. Rumours moved around town faster than tumbleweed. Some folks thought he was wanted. Some speculated there was trouble with a lady. A few idiots thought that maybe he'd just lost his nerve. Anyone who dared to raise these notions around the remaining six lawmen, quickly learned that silence is golden.

A ride out to the ranch became part of the daily routine. Not all at once, and usually not more than one in a day. Judge Travis had had to move on, which meant for the first few days it was Chris or Vin. JD was the next one added to the mix. Casey had been right. JD had put on a brave front while with Ezra, but afterwards, when he and Casey went out to do chores, he fell apart.

"How could this happen? How could anything like this happen?" He'd known what to expect. He'd heard it all firsthand. But to see Ezra like this, so completely unlike the man he'd come to think of as an older brother, was just more than he could handle. Casey had no explanation, not that he'd really expected one. There couldn't be one.

"It doesn't matter how it happened JD. If we could change it, it would matter, but we can't. What we need to do now is everything we can to bring Ezra back to us."

"What if he can't come back?"

"Then we be grateful for what we've got. And we make sure he knows he's as special to us as he always has been."

JD wiped the tears away from his face with the back of his hand, smiling at Casey. "He's not the only one who's pretty special."

Ezra hadn't done well the day Buck came to visit. It probably didn't help that his nightmares had been worse in the previous couple of days. Buck had made a valiant effort to tone down his larger-than-life personality, but his mere presence seemed to be too much. He'd stayed back on the opposite side of the room, but that still hadn't been enough. After just a few minutes, Nettie cut the visit short.

He stood outside kicking at the dirt, wishing he was kicking something else. After making certain that Ezra was alright being left alone, Nettie went out to speak with him.

"You know it's not you, right? If he could get past what his eyes are telling him, and get to what's in his heart, he'd be real happy to see you."

"I want to believe you. But I know what happened to him. And for whatever reason, I obviously remind him of that. I can't do that to him."

"You have to give him more time Buck. He's starting to feel comfortable around folks again, but he's not all the way back yet.

"Who are we kidding Nettie? He's not ever going to be all the way back."

"I didn't expect you to be the one saying that. Not the man who looked so hard to find him."

"But I'm not the one who found him. I gave up. If it hadn't been for Judge Travis, he'd still be missing."

"That's what's bothering you? Who found him? Don't you think you should just be grateful someone did?"

"Do you think we did him any favours bringing him back out here? Travis said he was getting better. That he seemed comfortable where he was. Look at him now. Skittish as a colt. How is that helping him?"

"Like I said Buck, he needs more time. Things are feeling more familiar to him. You will too."

"Maybe. Eventually." Buck finally began moving again, making his way over to his horse. He adjusted the tack, and quickly mounted. "I've got a few things I need to do. I may not be back out here for a while. You keep telling him about me Nettie, reminding him. Maybe next time he won't be so scared." Not giving her a chance to respond, he rode away quickly.

If Buck's visit had been bad, the visit from Nathan and Josiah a couple days later was a nightmare. Ezra had been able to hear them talking outside, as they approached the door. Nettie could tell from the look on his face that something was familiar, and she smiled at the idea that two more friends were about to enter his world. That changed in a heartbeat when the door opened. Ezra saw the two silhouettes standing there and every nightmare of his ordeal flooded back into his mind. How they broke his fingers to get the ring. Broke his leg to keep him from fighting back. Broke his sprit and shattered his soul with their words and actions. With their violations of his body and mind.

He tried to turn and run, but collided with the doorframe, dropping to the ground. He immediately rolled himself up in a small ball, whimpering softly, tears already running down his face. The men stood mortified by what had happened. They both had to fight the urge to run forward to offer assistance, knowing that wouldn't help. Knowing it would only make things so much worse. After a few seconds of stunned paralysis, they turned and quickly went back outside.

Nettie slowly approached Ezra, speaking softly. "It's alright Ezra. They're gone. They're not going to hurt you. Those aren't the men who hurt you. You remember, Chris told you? The men who hurt you are dead Ezra. They can't hurt you again. Not ever." The trembling didn't stop, although Ezra had gone quiet. Nettie kept repeating reassurances to him, not certain whether or not he was hearing them. It took several minutes before he unclenched his body, finally daring to move his head enough to look up. Once she was certain he recognized who she was, Nettie took a few steps forward, kneeling at his side. She cautiously rested her hand on his arm, relieved when he didn't pull back.

"You think you can sit up now Ezra?" He gave a small nod, but didn't make the effort to move. She reached out and gently took him by the shoulders, beginning to pull him upwards. This time he did pull back slightly, before reaching out a hand to push himself up. He turned to leave, anxious to get back to the safety and security of his own room. Nettie put a hand out to stop him. "No Ezra. You need to stay out here. I know it's hard, I know you're scared. I can't blame you. But you've got to stop running. You've got to start trusting us again. Do you trust me Ezra?"

Ezra slowly licked at his lips, trying to get some moisture back into his dry mouth. Slowly, tentatively, he reached out and took Nettie's hand in his. With every bit as much caution, he raised his other hand and gently placed it on the side of her face. To her everlasting relief and joy, he nodded. He pulled his hands back, and turned. But instead of heading towards his room, he headed over to the kitchen table, and returned to his task of helping Nettie prepare lunch.

"I'm going to go get some water Ezra. I'll be back in a minute."

Nathan and Josiah were waiting outside. They'd moved some piece away from the house, making sure they weren't visible from inside. Nettie stormed over to them with a speed that belied her age. "What in the name of all that is holy were you two thinking? The both of you coming out here at the same time. No warning."

"The others said he was doing so much better." Josiah knew that sounded weak even to his ears.

"You mean Buck didn't tell you how bad things were? Not as bad is today, but he didn't take well to that visit either."

"Buck didn't let on there'd been a problem. And we weren't thinking Nettie," Nathan admitted. "We were just hoping. From everything they said, he seemed to be getting past all of this."

"He is. Slowly. This isn't going to help." Nettie looked up at the two heartbroken faces in front of her, and found she couldn't be angry anymore. "I know you want to be here. I know you want to help him. It's gotta be on his terms, not yours. For what it's worth, he seemed okay with it when he heard your voices. It was seeing you, not expecting you, just seeing you like that. You give me some time to talk to him. And by time, I mean days, not hours. I'll send word to you when I think you can come out again."

For the next several days, Vin and JD were the only visitors from the team to come out, as they all agreed Chris might even be a bit much right then. But a few others had started coming out as well. The day after the frightening encounter with Nathan and Josiah, a small buckboard wagon pulled up outside. Nettie watched with a certain amount of pride as Ezra fought the instinct to run and hide. She got up to see who the visitors were, and turned with a smile to Ezra. "You have visitors Ezra. Two ladies are here to see you."

Ezra looked up in surprise as Nettie went over to welcome Mary and Inez.

"I hope it's alright to come out to see you Ezra. We knew Nettie needed some supplies, and thought would save her a trip into town today. We have a few treats here for you too. Some of the children drew pictures for you. And Mrs. Wilson baked you one of those peach pies you like so much. Mrs. Potter got the peaches for her." Mary knew she was rambling, but couldn't seem to control herself. She stopped when Nettie took the basket from her.

Inez was unable to speak. She couldn't take her eyes off the man she never expected to see again. Even when she knew he was alive, knew he was back, she still somehow couldn't bring herself to believe it. Her heart ached at what she saw in front of her. This was not her Ezra. This was not the man she had enjoyed verbally sparring with over any and every subject that came up. The man for whom she harboured feelings that she would never be able to voice. There had been too many differences in their past. And now the future looked even bleaker.

"I do hope you ladies can sit for a spell. I'm sure we have time for a cup of tea." Without waiting to hear whether or not they answered Nettie, Ezra hurried into the kitchen, putting the kettle on the stove. He shyly came back, picking up the basket that had the pie. A moment later he put three slices out on the table.

"Aren't you going to join us Ezra?" Mary asked. Ezra just shook his head shyly, backing away slightly from the group. He turned back to fixing the tea.

Nettie leaned closer to the others, lowering her voice to a whisper. "You're the first visitors he's had. I don't think he knows quite what to do."

"Should we leave?" Inez asked quietly.

"No, I think that would make him feel bad. I think we should just sit, and talk for a bit. He may not come to join us, but even having others in the house is gonna do him good." They settled at the table, chatting for about thirty minutes, with Mary and Inez bringing Nettie up to date on everything going on in town. Ezra only came back into the area long enough to deliver the tea, before settling into a chair in the far corner of the room. He seemed accepting of their visit, but never appeared to be truly comfortable. As the awkward conversation waned, Mary stood up, brushing crumbs from her skirt.

"Well, I think we've taken up enough of your time. It was good to see you again Ezra. Thank you for sharing that pie. We'd like to come and visit again if that would be all right with you?" Ezra favoured them with what could almost be described as a smile, and gave a small nod. They left, their hearts both full of hope, and broken by what they had seen.

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Nathan rode up to the farmhouse with JD, making sure he couldn't be seen through any windows. Nettie had sent for him, but he still wasn't sure this was the best idea. "She wouldn't have called for you Nathan, if she didn't think he was ready. I'll let her know we're here."

He'd only gone as far as the porch before Nettie came out. She smiled as she went over to Nathan. "I was thinking about how comfortable he was when he only heard your voice. So, you and I are going to have a conversation. We'll talk out here a bit till he is used to hearing us, then we're going to go inside, still talking."

"I don't know Nettie, it was so bad last week."

"He's had visitors since. He's getting used to it. And as much as we all want to keep sheltering him, we can't do this forever." Nathan knew she was right, but that didn't make this any easier.

"Okay, what do we talk about?"

"Well now Nathan," she raised her voice so it could be heard inside, "why don't you just tell me about what's going on in town. Better yet, why don't you tell me about your wedding plans. You and Rain are still going to get married, right?"

Nathan smiled despite the situation. "Yes, and she's getting a little impatient." Nettie nodded, encouraging him to go on. "Of course, she doesn't want anything too fancy, and neither one of us has a lot of family. I've been telling her we should hold off until Josiah can finish the church, but she says she can't wait that long."

Nettie laughed. "Nobody can wait that long." They were up to the door now, and Nettie opened it slowly. Nathan spoke again, hoping his voice did not betray his concerns. "There just never really seems to be a good time. Between patrols, and the doctoring I've been doing, and all the stuff she has to do out at the village, we just never seem to be able to figure on a good date. I keep thinking maybe we should just stop trying to pick a date, and next time the judge is in town have him marry us. Won't be fancy, but it will be done." He ended with a smile.

Ezra was standing in the corner of the room. He'd heard the conversation, and again had been left with a sense of familiarity. He watched carefully as the door opened, immediately taking a few steps back on seeing the man enter. The initial surge of fear appeared to be dampened quickly by the realization Nettie was holding his arm. And laughing. She looked over to Ezra and smiled. "You remember Nathan, Ezra? Don't you?" Her smile never faded. "He's been waiting for a chance to come and see you. I told him it would be all right."

"We've just been talking about wedding plans Ezra. I asked Rain to marry me a while back. Guess I should follow through on that, right?" He tried not to stare, watching Ezra's reactions. Watching for the first sign of panic. They could see the conflicting emotions crossing Ezra's face. Fear faded into familiarity as Nathan's voice continued to seep into his subconscious. Slowly, his body posture reflected the gradual relaxation. A moment later Ezra shifted into his now standard company routine of going to put the kettle onto the stove.

"Can't believe that worked so well," Nathan spoke softly. "Do you think it will work for Josiah?"

"I hope so. Think it would be best to give Ezra a day off, but you send Josiah out after that, and will see if we can't get the whole team together again."

TBC

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7

thank you all for the reviews and support. Going to be away for a couple of days, but should have the next chapter for you by the end of the weekend - I hope.


	5. Chapter 5

Nettie wouldn't have told Ezra this, but she was glad they had plans for the day. Plans to be somewhere other than home. Coming up with new ideas to keep Ezra occupied was getting harder with each passing day. He had already helped with countless small chores around the place, and she was having trouble finding more for him to do. There was plenty of work available, but as his frailty was still obvious, most of it was out of the question.

Nettie couldn't help but smile at the irony. There had been a time when getting him to offer any assistance was beyond impossible. Now, when he was anxious to keep occupied, there was so little she could come up with for him.

Ezra's desire to please, to make a contribution, had been almost pathological. No one could really understand the change, other than to guess it was reflective of a gratitude for simply being alive. Vin and Josiah both expected there was more to it, but at this point, motivation didn't really matter.

Today would be different. Today was Ezra's first trip into town since this had all begun. At least, it would be his first trip if they could get him out of bed.

"Well now I know for sure Ezra is still in there." Vin grinned as he sat on the front steps of Nettie's home, waiting for the man in question to come out.

"I've been trying to get him up for 20 minutes. He just won't get out of bed. Told him you two were coming. He hasn't done this before. It's not at all like the new him."

Chris figured it out instantly. "Did you tell him why?"

"Yes, last night."

"I'm guessing that's the problem." He stood up and a moment later tapped on Ezra's door, slowly opening it. "Ezra? It's Chris and Vin. We're coming in." Ezra had pulled the covers high enough to almost bury himself. All you could see of his face were his eyes, and while the look there wasn't terror, but it was coming damn close.

"Nettie told you we were going to go into town today, didn't she?" Ezra nodded briefly. "You don't want to?" A rapid head shake answered.

"We're going to be with you the whole time Ezra. The others too. JD, Nathan. We'll all be right with you." Ezra shook his head again.

"I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to. But you can't stay in here forever. You've got to trust me – just a little. Can you do that?"

Ezra slowly lowered the sheet and looked up nervously. Chris was momentarily overwhelmed by the images created. He thought back to the number of times his son had looked up at him from the bed with the same fear. Adam hadn't had nightmares often, but when he did nothing would get him out of bed until daddy came in to save the day. Ezra had that same searching look on his face now, and it almost tore Chris apart. Vin didn't know why the conversation had stopped, but he did see Ezra was thinking about the question and didn't want to give him time to slip back. He cautiously took the bed cover and pulled it back, taking Ezra loosely by the arm.

"Let's get you dressed in something suitable for your first ride into town. Shame you don't have that red coat anymore. It was always your favourite." He wasn't expecting the whimper of distress that came next as Ezra tried to pull back.

"It's alright Ezra." Chris tried to comfort him quickly. "You don't have to wear that. We've got you some other stuff. Not sure it'll be the best fit you've ever had, but it should work." He led them to the wardrobe and pulled out a few things. Vin stayed quiet, afraid of putting his foot in his mouth again.

"What did I say wrong?" He whispered when Chris stepped back.

"The red coat. Not a good subject. And whatever you do, don't say anything about the fact I didn't give him a belt."

Vin nodded turning to check on Ezra's progress. He froze, blood draining at what he saw. Ezra had taken off the night shirt and had his back to them. For the first time, Vin got a look at the scars. Ezra's back was covered in ugly raw looking scars, crisscrossing the surface. There was scarcely an inch that wasn't marked.

Chris whispered "Don't" in a tight voice. "Don't react, don't say anything." Vin gave a terse nod as he struggled to get himself back under control.

"Ezra, I'm going to go get the wagon ready for us." He forced himself to sound relaxed. Once out of the room he bolted outside, barely making it to the side of the house before losing his breakfast. He stood, bent at the waist with his hands on his knees for some time trying to stop shaking. He didn't hear Nettie come up and was startled when she gave him some water and a towel.

"Had the same reaction when I first saw it."

"Is it just his back?" Vin managed to find his voice.

She shook her head sadly. "Some on his chest, but not as bad his legs. His behind too. I don't understand how people could do – could hurt…" A voice cracked, and Vin pulled her into a hug.

"They weren't people Nettie. Don't know what they were but they weren't people. People, animals, they don't do things like that. Never really put much stock in evil before, but I think I believe in it now." They stood together quietly for a minute before turning back to the house.

Mrs. Potter had done a more than decent job guessing Ezra's sizing for his new slacks and shirt. It certainly wasn't the fashion flair he used to demonstrate, but it seemed to make him feel comfortable. The clothing he'd left behind hung loosely on him now, as they discovered when it was brought to Nettie's. The hope was to get him back into shape soon, but he'd become a picky eater and his nervous energy seemed to burn off every calorie he'd consume.

They tried to get him up on the buckboard seat, but he deferred the position to Nettie and Chris, preferring to settle lower into the business part of the wagon. He settled into a corner spot, as he always seemed to prefer now. As the town came into sight, he tried to burrow even deeper in. Casey and Vin made the effort to distract him, with no success.

The streets were much quieter than usual. JD and Nathan had patrolled the area first thing in the morning, reminding the locals of Ezra's scheduled foray back into town. On first hearing of the plan, most it agreed to keep their distance, content to watch from side-streets and windows. Those few who expressed anything less than full support for the venture were treated to a subsequent visit from Josiah, who managed to convince them to see the light.

The buckboard pulled to a stop in front of the Mercantile. "Good morning. How nice to see you in town again Mr. Standish." Mrs. Potter stood in the doorway, making sure Ezra had seen her there before speaking. "Would you like to come in and help Nettie pick up her supplies?"

He nodded shyly and climbed down from the back. As anxious as he appeared to be to get indoors again, he turned back and held out a hand to help Casey step down. They all felt a surge of relief. Whatever fears or misgivings he had, there was enough Ezra left in there to allow the Southern gentleman to come back into action. Chris followed his lead and assisted Nettie down from her perch. By the time they were done, Ezra had followed Vin up to the shop. He looked around, almost overwhelmed by the variety he saw around him. Awkwardly he moved about the shop, looking at times puzzled by what he saw and at other times relieved. He moved quickly away from the guns on display, and was just as fast turning from a table that held, amoung other things, belts. He stopped in front of the candy jars. A fleeting smile crossed his face as he inhaled the scent of peppermint, replaced by the same confused look he got when memories teased at his mind.

After a few minutes Nettie told him she was done with her shopping, and suggest he spend some time with his friends while she did a bit of visiting. He didn't seem anxious to go along with this, but she smiled, telling him things would be fine. Chris made sure things were quiet outside and Nathan signalled from the saloon that they were ready there.

"Ezra? You ready for a little walk? Just going across the way a bit." Ezra nodded tentatively, but walked to the door without apparent fear. Chris was ridiculously moved by the trust the man was placing in him.

They were halfway across when Chris heard sounds in the distance that he feared would shatter everything. Horses, probably a couple, galloping toward town. One rowdy rider was making enough noise to wake the dead, and that was bound to get things stirred up. Chris tried to figure out what he could do to get Ezra out of the action, and the only solution was to rush him. He turned to Vin to get the support he'd need, and was surprised to see him staring in shock at the approaching distraction. That was the moment he recognized the shouting was from Buck, and he wondered how the rest of the team would feel if he shot the rowdy fool in response to this.

Chris's attention returned to Ezra as he saw him freeze in response to the chaotic disturbance. He braced himself for the panic that was to follow and was stunned when none occurred. He turned to follow Ezra's gaze. Buck had quieted instantly when he saw them in the street. He rode up toward him slowly, keeping his voice as friendly as possible when he was close enough to speak.

"Sure is good to see you up and out Ezra. You look a lot better than you did last time I saw you. I have a friend here, anxious to see you."

Chaucer was trying to pull his reins out of Buck's grip, and they all feared the beast would bowl Ezra over in his enthusiasm. Vin was the first to try to get him settled, and was head butted to the ground for his efforts. Chris was likewise brushed off his feet as Chaucer succeeded in freeing himself when Buck grabbed for a tumbling Vin.

Ezra remained unmoving on the street, watching the wall of horse charging at him. The others leapt forward, knowing they wouldn't get there in time. Chaucer pulled up less than a yard from his long-lost friend. Both were perfectly still for several seconds, then Chaucer slowly lowered his head and nuzzled at Ezra's neck. They watched the gentle tableau, holding their breath as Ezra tentatively reached a hand up and began stroking the main. Tension floated away from him as he took a small step forward, bringing his left hand slowly up to begin petting Chaucer's nose. There were whinnies of appreciation and a soft snort. Ezra laughed in response, to the astonishment of all. Vin finally found his voice and, without taking his eyes off the reunion, spoke to Buck. "How the hell did you do this?"

"Long story for another time. You can buy the beers."

"Hell," Chris said, "for doing this, I think it'll be months before you have to buy your own beer." As much as they enjoyed just watching Ezra looking like Ezra again they knew the moment couldn't last. Folks were gathering in the streets to witness the miracle, and Chris was worried any minute now something could go wrong. He'd barely had the thought when he saw one of the Potter children approaching Ezra. Damn. He was afraid moving in would cause more trouble, but he stood at the ready. The young girl spoke too softly for him to hear what was being said, but he did see Ezra hold his hand out. Something was given to him and after a moment's hesitation he reached his hand in front of Chaucer, who gratefully took offered treat. Ezra smiled and patted the youngster on the shoulder before shyly turning away. He stiffened slightly when she gave him a quick hug before running off to play.

"Let's get him inside before that gives anyone else ideas," Vin suggested.

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

Ezra walked cautiously up the stairs, his eyes darting to watch everything around him. He looked behind several times, and each time Nathan took a half-step back. He was closest behind Ezra, and knew how uncomfortable he was having his back exposed. He tried not to think about all the reasons why.

Inez had gone ahead, opening the room and airing it out earlier. She stood there quietly watching him, determined again not to show him anything he might see as pity. She would not do that to him.

"Everything is where you left it Senor Ezra. I knew you'd be back." She hesitated for just an instant. "There is something else I have of yours."

The first day after they'd all believed Ezra was dead, Buck and Chris came over to see her. They sat quietly in a corner of the still unopened saloon. She was certain they were going to be angry with her for what had happened the day before, but nothing was said about that. Instead, Buck reached into his pocket and placed Ezra's ring on the centre of the table. "We think he'd want you to have this Inez. It feels right."

She had fought them on it. She wasn't family. She wasn't anything to Ezra. "You know that's not true Inez." Chris corrected her softly. "Even if neither one of you ever said anything, you meant something to each other. You need to keep this. For him."

Inez had slowly reached out and picked the ring up from the table. As much as she fought it, she couldn't keep a few tears from falling. Before she embarrassed herself, she stood and left the table. A few days later, when she was clearing the table, a chain slipped from under her blouse, and they saw the ring hanging from it. She rapidly tucked it away, offering a fleeting smile to Chris and Buck. They smiled back.

Now, she had the chance to return it. She held out her hand, palm up, smiling as she showed him the ring. Ezra recoiled so quickly he almost sent Nathan down the stairs. Panic was evident on his face as his breathing became shallow and rapid. Vin and Chris grabbed him by reflex as he began to fall, and he shrieked in a manner that had them all almost as terrified as he was.

Inez shook as Buck took her firmly in hand. "No Darlin', this isn't your fault. Don't do that. You were trying to help."

"This is not helping him. Look at what I did."

"They did it, not you. We're all making these mistakes. Please Inez, you gotta talk to him. He's better when a woman talks."

"After this?"

"He saw the ring. Not you. Don't know why it set him off, and right now it doesn't matter. You have to talk to him.

Ezra was still shaking violently as Inez knelt near him. She cleared her throat. "Senor Ezra please. You are safe. We won't let anyone hurt you. Please, let us help you. Please Ezra." The pleading in her voice would have melted the heart of a statue. Ezra gasped for breath as he slowly tried to calm himself. The trembling began to subside, and after what felt like forever, he slowly nodded his head.

"Will you let them help you stand up?" Again, a slow nod. He looked down, away from the men around him.

"No Ezra, you don't do that. We're the ones who are sorry. You got no reason to feel bad about anything here. You just have to be patient with us. We're gonna to find a way to work all this out." He timidly looked up at Josiah, and the big man had to fight back tears when he saw small smile. They were all in the same state when Ezra reached out and gave Inez's arm a gentle squeeze. She smiled back and hurried downstairs, mumbling something about customers to serve.

Inez had been right. The room looked exactly like it had when he disappeared so long ago. They watched quietly as he wandered slowly through the space, picking things up and carefully placing them back when he was done. He pulled out a small stack of letters from a drawer, looking at them with the degree of surprise. He thumbed through them, but didn't look specifically at any before restoring them to their spot. A small valet box in the dresser held a couple of clips, shirt studs, and two pair of cufflinks. Most of his personal items had been with him when he left for his trip, and had long gone missing. JD sighed with relief that he hadn't gotten around to returning the pocket watch to the box. He'd hold onto it until Ezra was more ready.

Chris had his own brief panic attack as Ezra reached for the closet door. He suddenly couldn't remember if Ezra had another red jacket there, and doubted the man could handle another flashback. He let out a slow breath when the door was opened wide enough to show no surprises.

Ezra reached up to a shelf and pulled out an older, scruffier version of his favourite hat. For whatever reason, it triggered none of the members the other items had, and he seemed to show no particular interest beyond a basic curiosity. He placed it on the bed, then picked it up, moving it to the dresser. His hand hovered for an instant over deck of cards, his eyes again getting a distant and anxious look. This time though, he was able to fend off any threatening memories and simply moved away quickly.

"Seen enough for now Ezra? Ready for a bit of lunch? Inez said she had your favourite down there for you – roast chicken dinner." JD put forced enthusiasm in his voice and was glad to see the effort rewarded by a relaxed nod from Ezra. They turned to leave, but at the last moment Ezra stepped aside, reaching for the hat and carrying it out with him.

Back downstairs, the men took notice for the first time that the room had been rearranged again. Their table was back where it had always been, and they happily headed towards it. Ezra joined the flow, but after a quick hesitation turned and went the other way, finding a corner spot where he could sit with his back securely against the wall. Without uttering a sound, the others followed. Josiah held back. He'd only been out to visit Ezra a couple of times. Their meetings had been, to say the least, strained, but were getting better. Still, this was a new location, and it had already been a stressful day for Ezra. Josiah did not want to push his luck. The fact he took the seat he had showed that Ezra was still a long way from being comfortable, even in their company. Ezra looked up and saw Josiah's hesitation. He leaned over and pulled the seventh chair to the table. Beaming, Josiah sat down.

Conversation was a bit awkward at first, as everyone feared triggering a bad reaction. But a few beers and a few jokes loosened everyone up, and soon things were almost like old times. Buck bragged, JD teased, and Chris admonished them both. Ezra appeared to be almost as relaxed, although his body language still showed some of the tension. He drummed his fingers softly on the table, seemingly unable to keep his hands still. Nathan hoped he was reading the signals correctly. As he came back to the table, he grabbed a deck of cards and tossed them toward Chris when he sat down. "If memory serves, it should be your deal."

Ezra went almost rigid, bolt upright in his seat. Nathan accepted the dirty looks from his colleagues. "Your deal Chris. Figure Ezra might want to sit this one out, but no reason we can't all have a friendly game."

They watched a gambler's tension fade slightly at the realization he didn't have to play. "It's actually JD's deal." Chris stood. "Deal us in. We'll be right back." He took Nathan quite firmly by the arm, pulling him aside.

"You out of your mind?"

"He needs to start replacing some of the fear with good memories. Like all of us here together."

"Yeah, but cards? That's what started all of this."

"You've seen it Chris. His hands, the fidgeting. He's shuffling. He's dealing. It's second nature to him, like the way you whittle when you're anxious. He needs this. We let him go at his own pace, but it has to start."

They went back to the game, and Ezra watched hand after hand as the evening progressed. The pots were divided pretty evenly, and everyone was laughing and relaxed. JD picked up the deck with wet hands at one point and several cards slipped out of his grasp. Ezra uttered a soft chuckle. They all heard it, and tried to pretend they hadn't.

"What's the matter kid?" Buck teased. "You getting tired? Past your bedtime?"

"I'm perfectly fine." He dropped a few more cards, watching out of the corner of his eye for Ezra's reaction.

"Yeah, just fine. Move it along kid, you're holding up the game."

"Think you can do better Buck?" JD lightly slapped the deck on the table near Buck but closer to Ezra. With only a small tremor visible, he picked up the deck. The first few passes were awkward, as the cards refused to fall into place. He closed his hands around the 52 pieces, gently pressuring and fingering them into place. He split the deck and riffed the cards together, repeating the action several times. He split them again, this time fanning them out to weave the two stacks together. They watched in fascination as he repeated that action as well. Even Ezra seemed a bit surprised by the flourish. He rested the cards a moment, then dealt out six hands.

"Aren't you gonna play?" The man shook his head quickly at Buck's question, panic flashing over his face for just an instant.

"That's fine Ezra," Vin cut in. "Maybe next time." Ezra shook his head again, but did seem to relax a little as the hand continued. He watched while a few more coins traded ownership, then stood, stretched and wandered up the stairs, glancing behind him every few steps. Fifteen minutes later, he had still not returned.

"Think we should check on him?" Josiah rose in response to Vin's question, but Chris reached up to still him. "Maybe not you Josiah. Not quite yet." Josiah nodded sadly.

"Give it a bit more time, preacher. He's comin' around." Buck said as he stood, only to be pulled back into his seat as well. Inez had already started up the stairs. Chris and Vin followed at a distance.

She opened the door quietly, and with the finger to her lips signalled them to come closer. Ezra was stretched out on the bed, back to the wall. But he had his arms wrapped around one pillow, the hat hanging from the bedpost, and he was quite soundly asleep with a smile on his face. Inez turned to the men. "He's home."

 ** _tbc_**

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7


	6. Chapter 6

When they were all settled around the table again, attention immediately turned to Buck.

"You want to tell us how you found him?"

"I had to do something. I couldn't help Ezra by visiting, and I just – hell, I just had to do something. It seemed to me that Ezra isn't really Ezra without Chaucer around. Didn't feel right to me that Chaucer would have just run off on him. I figure someone, somewhere, had to have found him and kept him. So, I decided to start looking."

"After all this time?" Vin didn't think even he would have been able to find a way to find a lead by this point. Buck understood with the tracker was getting at.

"No, if I'd been tracking him the way you are thinking, I would've had you come with me. This was just going to be questioning people. Asking everybody I could come across if they'd seen a stray. Finally ran into some folks who told me about a little settlement near Hard Rock Ridge. Bunch of folks who tended to keep to themselves. Figured I had nothing to lose by riding in there."

 _Buck had arrived at the cobbled together collection of huts early afternoon. He'd gotten lost a couple times, but finally spotted a few small plumes of smoke that suggested to him that might be the settlement. He rode up slowly, wanting them to be sure he meant no harm. He was in no mood for confrontation. He knew he was being watched as he came in, but no one seemed to be the least bit aggressive. As he got close enough, he called out. "Afternoon gentlemen. Looking for someone who might be able to answer a couple of questions for me."_

 _Two men dressed in dark clothing and wide brimmed hats walked forward with guarded smiles on their face. "What can we do for you, Brother?"_

 _"_ _I'm hoping you might have something that belongs to me. Or rather, to a friend of mine."_

 _"_ _We don't have anything here that belongs to anyone else. We are not thieves."_

 _"_ _Didn't mean to imply that. My friend's horse ran off. Quite a while ago. He was, well let's just say he was too sick to go after him. I'm hoping now that if I can find him, it'll help my friend get better."_

 _"_ _And what makes you think we might be in possession of this horse?"_

 _"_ _Because I've looked everywhere else. I don't know where else to turn. Have you taken in any strays in the last few months?" The two men looked at each other for a moment, the older one eventually nodding._

 _"_ _We encountered a man a couple of months ago. He was having a great deal of difficulty with a horse he had. When we reached the conclusion that he intended to destroy the animal, we made a trade of some food supplies to take it from him."_

 _"_ _Why would you want a horse that was nothing but trouble?" Buck's curiosity made him forget for a moment the reason he was there._

 _"_ _Because we do not believe any of God's creatures should be sacrificed for no reason. It appeared to us this animal had done nothing more than display a strong character, and stronger will."_

 _"_ _Well," Buck said smiling, "that certainly sounds like my friend's horse. I take it you still have him around here?"_

 _"_ _We can take you back to the corral. But you must understand, we do not intend to hand this animal over to someone who cannot prove he has the right to possess it."_

 _"_ _Well, I don't have any papers or anything."_

 _"_ _That would not necessarily be sufficient to prove your claim. We will let the horse decide."_

 _Buck had the feeling Ezra would like these people. He knew Josiah would. They walked to the far end of the settlement, where large corralled area held half a dozen horses. Buck spotted Chaucer immediately. Off on his own, looking, if it was possible, sad. "He's lost some weight, and he doesn't seem as full of life as he used to, but that's Chaucer." Buck whistled and five of the horses raised their heads. Chaucer didn't move._

 _"_ _He does not appear to recognize you."_

 _"_ _Chaucer and I were never the best of friends. He's a one-man horse."_

 _"_ _Well, we can believe that. He has not let any of us ride him. Or truly care for him at all."_

 _Buck opened the corral door, and the three men walked towards Chaucer. There was still no movement. "Hey there, Chaucer. You remember me, right?" Chaucer reared his head slightly and took a few steps away._

 _"_ _He does not seem willing to go with you."_

 _Buck was at a loss. He had assumed if he'd been lucky enough to ever located Chaucer, he'd be more than willing to come along. It never dawned on him that there could be an issue. He looked closer at the animal and after a moment came to recognize the problem. He was in mourning. He was grieving, believing the only human ever worthy of his companionship was dead._

 _"_ _Chaucer, you have to come home with me. Ezra needs you. Ezra is alive, and he needs you."_

 _Chaucer turned to stare at Buck. The man knew it was impossible that the horse actually understood what had been said. He knew it in his head. His heart knew the exact opposite was true. Chaucer took the half dozen or so steps needed to get close to Buck, then forcefully nudged him from behind, pushing him forward._

 _"_ _Well, it appears your Chaucer has changed his mind. I think it would be best if you move quickly, as he is not a patient animal."_

 _"_ _If you'll tell me what you paid for him, I'll make sure you see the money back."_

 _"_ _Horse and rider are being reunited. That is our payment. Go in peace."_

Buck leaned back swallowing the last of his beer as he finished the story. The others had sat quietly in amazement as he'd recanted the tale.

"That's it? They just handed him over?" JD was astonished.

"They knew he didn't belong there. And they could tell from the way he reacted, being with Ezra was where he belonged. I just wish they could've been out there on the street to see the reunion."

"When he's strong enough, you'll have to tell him about this." Josiah was smiling. "I'm guessing he'll want to take a ride and thank those men himself."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

Judge Travis arrived back in Four Corners almost three months after bringing Ezra home. He'd been kept informed of his progress by Mary, and hoped his own appearance wouldn't set things back. He tracked Chris down at the jail first. "Mary tells me things are going quite well."

"Not bad. Not where we'd like things to be, but all things considered, not bad.

"Think he'd be okay to see me?"

"Don't see a problem with that. Not near as skittish as he was."

"I have something for him." Chris looked up, remembering instantly what happened last time anyone tried to give something to Ezra.

"Cash. Fair bit of it. Came from the clinic where Ezra stayed. The doctor there figures he got more than his money's worth with the learning he was able to do. Says it's helping a lot of others too. Doesn't feel right keeping all this money." He chortled at the stunned look on Chris's face. "Told you they were good people."

Ezra's reaction wasn't as extreme as it had been to the ring, but it was evident he wanted nothing to do with the cash, not even touching it. Chris hadn't thought about it before, but now realized Ezra hadn't handled money since he'd been back. They'd all been paying his bills for him, with the backpay the judge had provided since Ezra had been on an official errand when the nightmare started. "Ezra, this is your money. Honestly." He shook his head, looking at the bills as if they were about to attack.

"OK Standish. Not anything to worry about. I'll put it in the bank for you, and you can get at it when you need it. No reason to keep this much money with you anyway."

"Why not just keep a bit of it Ezra?" Chris prodded. "You could buy Chaucer a few of those candies you like to spoil him with."

Ezra looked at the bills again. Travis had taken most away, holding just five single bills out to him. He worried his lower lip for a moment, then slowly reached out. He nodded quickly as he took them, folding them and tucking them into his vest pocket before turning away.

"Small steps I guess," Travis said. "I'll take the rest of this to the bank for him."

Later that day, Ezra joined JD on an outing to the Wells Ranch, where he'd presented Casey with some new riding gloves, and Nettie with a warm shawl. Both women protested, but backed off when they saw how happy it seemed to make him to be able to do something for them. They had a good visit, but it was evident he was becoming more anxious as the hour grew late. JD noted the change, and hasty goodbyes were said. "I'll stable Chaucer for you." JD promised as the sun began to disappear when they got to town. "You go ahead."

Ezra paused only long enough to give him a grateful smile before disappearing back to his room.

JD fought the anger and frustration as he stripped the gear from the horses.

"Not sure what's pissed you off, but I wouldn't let Ezra see you being so rough on Chaucer." Josiah advised from the far side of the stables.

"He won't see it. It's dark out, and he is holed up for the night." JD spat out.

"It's not like he's doing it on purpose JD. He's not trying to rile you up."

JD stopped his work and leaded back in frustration, softly banging his head to the wall. "I know that Josiah. I'm not mad at him. I'm just – well just mad. It ain't fair. Ezra used to stay up till all hours playing cards and just having a good time. Now he's tucked in for the night after dinner. I want the old Ezra back."

"We all do. And he is getting closer."

"Is he?"

"You really need me to answer that? You know what he went through. Pretty sure you know more than you shared, and that's alright. Knowing all that, how can you not see that he's so much better?"

JD couldn't get past his frustration and concerns. "But is it going to keep getting better? Are we ever gonna be what we were?"

"We already are what we were. We're a family JD. A little bit different than most to be sure, but a family. That's why Ezra's getting better with us."

"Yeah, I guess. But-".

"All of us changed some because of this, and just because people change. But the big picture doesn't change. And as for Ezra, well, I do know one thing. He's not a quitter."

Things continued to get a bit better each day. Ezra was regularly out riding again. Never alone, but he had been out with everyone else, including Nathan and Josiah. Both men were relieved that any fears he had of them had vanished, or at least were controlled. And they were all pleased to see how relaxed he was when out on Chaucer. Despite all of the improvement, there were still some fundamental facts that hadn't changed. He still remained quiet, and he still refused to pick up his gun.

He continued to sit, watching the others play poker. Never once did he show any inclination of joining the game. And he never got involved in any way if there were strangers at the table. After several days he did get to the point he would pick up a deck of cards without being prompted, and begin to shuffle with the flourish they had come to know. He would deal hands when the others played, but never looked at the cards himself, and continued to shy away from any suggestion of gambling.

There was also a continued effort to work his way back into the daily life of town. He no longer shied away from people, although he did tend to stay in the shadows whenever the coach arrived bringing new faces into to town. He helped Mrs. Potter when large orders of supplies came in, and he had helped Mary with typesetting at the paper several times. Much of his time was spent at the saloon, offering any and every service he could.

This routine had been going on for couple of weeks when the day came that Josiah and Vin were coming in from their afternoon patrols. JD was walking over from the jail, where one prisoner who had ineptly tried to rob the stagecoach was incarcerated. Buck had described the effort as worse than amateur.

The prisoner's brothers snuck into town at dusk, with the sole intention of breaking him out. Ezra had been standing at the saloon doors, watching as the sun set, trying to get past his fear of the dark. He alone was in the position to see the threat that was approaching from behind JD. He charged out through the doors, making enough noise in the quiet evening to warn JD. The warning had the unpleasant side effect of causing one of the brothers to turn towards Ezra, gun drawn, point-blank range. A shot from up the street rang out, as Vin's bullet hit its mark. The man fell, his gun falling out of his hand as he landed. Two more brothers came from out of the twilight shadows as JD rolled to find cover. Vin quickly did the same. Josiah was further away, and too far in the open to find immediate shelter. Vin came up shooting at one shadow, and watched in surprise as the second fell at the same time.

 _Even I'm not that good,_ he thought to himself. He looked over to see that Ezra had recovered the fallen weapon, firing as he went down. As he stood now, his arm hung limply beside him.

"Nice shooting there Pard," he called over.

Ezra smiled slyly. "Dreadful actually. I was aiming for the one you hit." The voice was rough and scratchy, but music to their ears. Josiah had been about to thank him when he heard that wonderful southern drawl. Reflexively he ran towards him scooping him up high and a hug. Hearing the gasp, he realized what he had done, and was guilt-ridden over spooking the man once again.

"Dammit. I'm sorry Ezra. I just – I'm sorry."

He was answered by a slightly shaky but not in the least panicked voice. "I can appreciate your enthusiasm, although the shock of the experience might alter that situation at any moment."

Others were arrived, guns drawn a few seconds later. They quickly realized the battle was over, but still had no idea of the outcome, or why everyone was just standing there staring at Ezra. "Everybody okay?" Chris asked looking at Ezra himself, knowing the fact the other three were standing was all the evidence he needed on their status.

"I believe I would benefit from Nathan's assistance in tending to my shoulder. I landed rather poorly trying to recover a weapon."

Chris was speechless, and Nathan's voice shook as he spoke. "Pretty sure I can take care of that for you. You hurt anywhere else?" Ezra shook his head. "Okay, will get you up to your room and check on that." He hesitated for a beat. "You OK with that, or you need one of the others to come along?"

"No Nathan, I will be fine in your company." He could see Ezra was beginning to tremble slightly as the adrenaline began to wear off. Nathan moved to get him away from the scene.

JD had to ask. "Ezra? You really back?"

"I'm not sure JD, but I think I'm closer." He looked down and seem surprised by the gun in his hand. His arm shook as he reached out toward Chris, who quickly but gently removed the weapon from his suddenly unsteady grasp. "No. Not yet."

He allowed Nathan to escort him back to his room. He stayed in his room for some time, eventually coming down for dinner but not speaking. When Buck pulled out the deck of cards, Ezra stood and left the table, saying only a soft good night as he left. Vin and Chris each got up to follow him. Nathan held up his hand. "No fellows, don't go up. He needs time to process what happened."

Josiah nodded. "I'm guessing it didn't really change anything. He still didn't want the gun, or anything to do with it. It'll be a while before he's ready to talk about it I'm guessing."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

"You have to stop avoiding him, Inez." Mary had been watching from across the way as Inez hurriedly left the saloon a few minutes after Ezra had arrived after a morning ride with Chris.

"I'm not avoiding anyone. I simply had an errand to run."

"Of course. That's why you've been standing off in the alley for the last five minutes."

Inez looked away and spoke softly. "I frighten him."

"That's ridiculous. He wasn't any more afraid of you than he was of any other visitor at Nettie's."

"Not then. After. When he came back to town. When I tried to return the ring."

"You didn't frighten him. And neither did the ring. It was the memories, and you know he's getting so much better about that."

Inez shook her head. "I don't want it to happen again. He is not comfortable around me."

"You don't think there might be another reason for that?" Mary offered a slightly suggestive smile. "A more personal one?"

Inez laughed. "Now you are being ridiculous. Senor Standish has no interest in me."

Once again, Mary shook her head. "You really don't see it?"

"One cannot see what is not there."

Mary sighed. "Inez, it's there. Maybe buried a little deeper now because of all he's been through, but I don't doubt for a minute he has feelings for you. I think he has for a long time. You might have to be patient for a while to give him the time to work everything through –"

"If I thought you were right, I think I could wait forever for him to heal. But –"

"There is no 'but' here Inez. Give him time, and be there for him. He needs his friends now more than ever. And I promise, that includes you."

Inez trembled slightly. "How would I start?"

"Well, you might try getting back into the saloon and offering him some lunch."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

A few days later, Ezra took advantage of JD's plan to visit Casey to join him in a ride to the Wells property. The two women came out when they saw their guests approaching.

"Will it sure is nice to have you visiting me again Ezra." Nettie greeted him with a grin.

"It is my pleasure and honour to be able to do so, madam." Ezra offered a bashful grin as he spoke. Casey gasped at the pleasant surprise, and Nettie's smiled got even wider.

"So, I guess were going to have to get used to all that fancy talk of yours again. Suppose there could be worse problems."

They dismounted, and JD and Casey quickly disappeared into the house.

Ezra looked away for a minute before being able to say what he had come out for. "I cannot express my gratitude for your kindness and patience. I had not earned such consideration, yet you did not hesitate to provide it."

"Don't be foolish. You earned it every day in the way you protect this town and the folks there. The way you treated Casey when she was confused. The way you watch out for Vin and the others. That's more than enough thanks."

"I would disagree, but I was taught better than to argue with a lady." He hesitated again. "I was wondering if I might… If in the future, should the need…" He paused, mouth dry from nerves.

"Anytime you feel you need to talk, 'bout anything at all, you come out here and I'll put on a pot of coffee. Better yet, I'll let you put it on. You make good coffee."

"Thank you, Mrs. Wells."

"Friends call me Nettie, you know."

"I would be honoured."

 ** _TBC_**

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7


	7. Chapter 7

_Three months later_

Anyone who didn't know better would say Ezra had fully recovered from his experience. The limp was noticeable only when he was extremely tired. He smiled at all passersby, tipping his hat to the ladies, tousling the hair of the young boys who ran up begging for card tricks. He would show them some fancy shuffles and flourishes, but never looked at the face of a single card. The children were so dazzled by the charm, and the offer of some of the always available hard candy, that they rarely noticed until later there had been no trick. They were too young to realize that that was, in fact, his best trick.

That was one of the 'tells' his friends had spotted. Ezra not being willing to join in on a poker game was like a disruption of nature itself. He would watch them play, but often from a distance. If the game got noisy, or strangers got involved, he still had a tendency to disappear for the night. When that happened, Vin grabbed his bedroll and camped outside Ezra's room for the night, always leaving before the action was discovered. He listened as Ezra screamed, or cried in his nightmares. The one time he had opened the door and stepped in, it only created more panic. So now he stood watch, ready to be there if needed, and praying it wouldn't get that bad.

Ezra finally wore his gun again, but as yet had shown no inclination to take up his full duties. He still rode with the others on afternoon patrol, and was now going out on his own for social visits, especially to Nettie's. Dusk still had him safely back in town every time with Chaucer stabled for the night. But now, Ezra could venture outside. Not far, and not for long, but he was no longer trapped when darkness fell.

He carried himself differently. He'd always been aware of his surroundings – he'd learned he had to be. But now it was more intense, more alert. Only those who know him well could really see it.

Some changes, everyone had noticed. Ezra still dressed well, clean and polished. But the flare, the style, was gone. The clothing in his wardrobe that he could now wear again remained mostly untouched. His riding clothes these days were much more function than fashion and he wore a plain dark cowboy hat when he rode.

Time had helped. The smile seemed to be genuine again, even if it occasionally seemed a bit haunted. The laughter was back, although rarely boisterous enough to allow anyone to see the gap where a gold tooth had been.

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

It was a sunny Tuesday afternoon. He had been determined to keep himself busy for the day, not wanting to allow his brain time to think about the anniversary. One year since he left town for what should have been a routine outing. He couldn't quite believe so much time had passed when things were so fresh in his mind. Of course, the memories might be that fresh because many of them were, for him, new. Flashes of what had happened had been coming back for some time. Often in nightmares that left him feeling drained and numb. That was bad enough, but when a moment came to mind in the middle of a conversation, or during a pleasant dinner, the stress of experiencing it while trying to hide it from others was often more than he thought he could handle.

He was sure they knew. Not only that he was remembering. That was impossible to hide. But worse, they knew what he was remembering. The threats to shoot him, the threats to keep him alive, to keep torturing him in so many ways. The injuries to not just his body, but to his being. He'd heard enough of the whispered concerns, seen enough of the pity on their faces. And in many ways, that was harder for him to accept than the memories of what had happened.

The six men stood watching as he approached, his smile faltering slightly as he saw the looks on their faces. They'd reached a conclusion of some kind, and Ezra had a fear he was not going to like it.

"We need to talk Ezra. We need to know where things stand."

"This may not be the ideal time to discuss matters Chris."

"I doubt there is an ideal time. Not for this talk. And I'm sorry, but some things need to be said."

"Nobody's mad at you Ezra. There's no trouble here." Josiah hope to squelch any fears before they developed.

"Look, Ezra. You know we're all glad you're back in town, and back to being, well, back to being more yourself." Nathan smiled. "And if that's as far as things go, we can understand that."

"What he's getting at Hoss, is we kinda like to know if you plan on riding with us again? Really riding, you know what I mean?" Buck cut to the chase. "We know you can still shoot if you want to."

"Likely saved my life proving that one to us," Josiah pointed out needlessly.

"And mine," JD added.

"The real question is, is that what you want?"

"What I want, and what I can do, may be two entirely separate matters Chris. That incident they speak of was, for me, terrifying. Even with the time that has passed, it **still** terrifies me when I think on it. Had it gone on much longer, I feel I might well have lost my nerve, and those consequences would have been most unpleasant for all concerned. I generally believe things are better now, but I remain unconvinced that I can be relied upon. That still makes me far to large a risk for any of you to have to ride with."

"I can understand that too." Chris responded. "Nobody wants you doing anything you aren't comfortable with. Ain't confident in."

"Are you going to stick around Ezra?" JD voiced the question they all feared the most.

Ezra felt a comfort wash through him at the question and the looks it inspired. "Where else would I go, JD? I am home here, am I not?"

"We want to be sure you feel that way."

"I have many ways to earn my keep here in Four Corners. I have been approached by Mrs. Potter and others for assistance with their bookkeeping. Some have even broached the subject of my teaching some of the basics to the children, although I have no doubt a few are concerned about exactly what I might teach them. As long as I can be useful, I shall remain."

"You don't have to worry about being useful Ezra. I have the impression you can always find a way to make yourself indispensable." Nathan grinned.

"I do endeavor to achieve that status." He looked at the relieved faces, and made his decision he'd been debating for days. "Before I take on any such tasks, I will be leaving Four Corners." He held up a hand to defend off comments. "For a short period, I assure you."

They were quiet, remembering how his last short trip had turned out. Vin realized with a start that it had been a year since that day. "You want one of us with you Ezra?" he asked softly.

"No. I cannot spend the remainder of my existence running from imaginary enemies, living in unrealistic fear."

"Nothing imaginary or unrealistic about what happened to you."

"I know that Chris. Believe me, I am fully aware. Now that all of the memories have returned, I shall never be unaware of how real it all was."

"I didn't mean…"

"Please – don't. I am done with having people apologize for every word and deed. ""

"Ezra, what happened to you was –"

"Not your fault. Not anyone's fault. You had no way to prevent it, no way to know what it happened."

"We should've looked harder for you." Buck still held self-directed anger over that issue. "Looked sooner."

"Why would you? It was some time until my absence was noted, because I was not expected back. By the time you were aware there was an issue, the deed was done. I hold none of you to task."

"And after that?" Buck said, his voice still thick with guilt.

"After that, what? What were you to do? Circumstances conspired against me gentlemen. From the moment I sat at that card table, fate took its opportunity to balance the scales. My less than honourable opponents were only the first stage." He paused, allowing a moment to calm himself.

This was the first time he had spoken of any of this to anyone other than Nettie. She had listened with patience and compassion on many occasions in recent times. Every bad dream had brought with it more recollections. Ezra had known from the first night that Vin stood watch over those terrors. It both mortified and comforted him to know that he was not alone, but he had never been ready to discuss the details. He harboured the hope that he might someday return to his role in this town, and could not imagine doing so if he had to share that history with them. He was relieved as the nightmares faded away enough to free Vin from his overnight vigils.

Nettie had been there to see it all in the first days. She'd helped him as a mother would help a sick child. She'd seen the scars, all of them, and had deduced the ones that were invisible. He had opened up to her in a way that he could never have dreamt of doing to even his own mother, let alone his colleagues – his brothers. He had no doubt that what sanity he could again claim ownership of would have been impossible without her.

"Everything that happened from that card game to the moment Judge Travis took me from the hospital was beyond the control of anyone here. And I say anyone quite deliberately. One conclusion I have reached, thanks in no small part to Mrs. Wells, is that I should no longer feel guilt or shame for what was done to me. While there are still frequent moments I must remind myself of that, and probably will have to do so until I draw my last breath, I do know it to be true."

Chris said a silent prayer of thanks. He believed Ezra meant what he had just said. Knowing that, it meant that he, that all of them, could learn to move on from the horrors of the experience. It would never be forgotten, but at least it didn't control him any longer.

"That why you need to leave town?" Vin asked.

"In part. It is, I believe, that last significant barrier I need to pass. I fervently hope that a successful journey will solidify the confidence that still seems to allude me. Will prove to me that I can return to the position here I long to reclaim. As fortune would have it, Judge Travis will be on the stage coming through tomorrow, and I can start my voyage with a friend, without inconveniencing any others. I assure you, whatever comes of this trip, I shall return. And, if it will help assuage any fears, I will telegraph you an update of my whereabouts whenever possible."

He laughed when six voices spoke saying that was not needed at the same time they all nodded acceptance of the offer.

"Tell me Ezra, have you let Inez know you're heading out of town?" Buck's grin had a decidedly impish factor to it which puzzled the gambler.

"No. Why would I? Oh, of course. No Buck, she is perfectly capable of handling any business matters, but yes, it would be a courtesy on my part to see that she is aware of my departure."

JD looked at Buck. "Is he really that dense?"

Buck nodded sadly. "Looks like it."

"Gentlemen, I am not finding this discussion either entertaining or illuminating."

Chris took pity on him. "Ezra, you really haven't noticed anything from her? Anything about how she feels about you?"

Ezra shook his head emphatically. "No. You are quite incorrect in any such assumptions. At best, we have a working relationship, connected only by our association regarding the saloon." Ezra desperately hoped that was true, but the looks on the faces of the others seemed to negate that idea.

"She cannot have feelings for me. It – it wouldn't be right."

Nathan was surprised by Ezra's comment. "You can't mean to tell me you think there would be something wrong about the two of you going out together? You don't still think that way?"

"What the hell do you mean it wouldn't be right?" Buck sought to fight of the first feelings of anger he'd had toward Ezra in a long time. "Something wrong with her taking a shine to you? Other than maybe her judgement."

"That is precisely what is wrong with the situation. Her judgement." Ezra replied quietly.

Chris shook his head. "You sayin' you don't think she's good enough for you?" He couldn't believe that was the Ezra's opinion, but couldn't figure out what else he was getting at.

"Dear God, no."

"No, he's not." Josiah turned Ezra to face him directly. "You're thinking you aren't good enough for her, right?" Ezra didn't react to the comment. "Lack of confidence in that area of your life has never been one of your failings son. Why do you say that now?"

"Because it is true. I would be an unsuitable companion for her."

Chris struggled to keep his temper. "Because of what happened to you? Thought you just finished telling us you know that wasn't your fault."

"Blame has nothing to do with it. It does not change the fact that I am not worthy of the company of any woman, let alone someone as – as special – as she is."

"Are you completely loco?" Buck could not believe what he was hearing.

"Are you familiar with the expression 'damaged goods'?"

"Yes. Are you familiar with the expression 'you're being an idiot'?" Buck answered. He looked at Ezra, staring him down.

"This is not up for discussion. I cannot provide her with what she would want. Would need." He turned to leave.

Vin spoke quietly. "She's still wearing the ring Ezra." He stopped his retreat. "Still has it on a chain around her neck. Pretty sure she only ever once took it off from the minute Chris and Buck gave it to her. They did that 'cause they could see how she felt. Took it off when she tried to give it back to you. You weren't ready then, and she's been to afraid to try again since. That's how much she cares. She willing to holding onto something that reminds her of one of the scariest moments in her life, because it's your ring. And I think she figures it might be the only part of you she'll ever get to hold on to."

"She deserves more."

"She deserves to be with the man she cares about." Buck answered.

"I'm not good –"

"That should be her decision. She deserves that too."

Ezra turned back to look at them all with a faint look of hope in his eyes. "You believe, you truly believe, she could get past what they – what happened?"

"She doesn't have to. You do." Nathan answered.

"And I'm betting she'd really like the chance to help you do that." JD added.

Ezra stood quietly for a minute. "Well," he finally spoke, "I suppose I should let her know I am going out of town, and we can see if any other matters come up for discussion." Smiling again, he turned away only to be stopped by Chris.

"There's one more thing Ezra. Don't know how much you remember about your first day home. I said something to you then, and I need to know you heard it. I told you then that I never thought, not for a minute, that you had run out on us. Not one of us did. We wished we could, because we knew that could only mean something bad had happened. But we all knew you didn't run out. You need to know that."

Ezra swallowed the lump in his throat. "I know Chris. I heard you that day. I believe - no, I know in my heart – it is a key factor in why I can stand here now."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

"Do you think I might have a moment of your valuable time to speak privately?"

Inez looked up from the bar and scanned the empty saloon. "I doubt that things could get much more private Señor," she teased lightly.

Ezra looked around and became slightly flustered. This was not getting off to a good start. "Yes, I suppose so. Might we sit for a moment then?"

The smile stayed on her face, but dread filled her heart. "Of course." She nervously joined him.

"I was advised, that is, it was suggested to me, and I believe it to be of valid suggestion, one that I should've considered on my own, and cannot understand why I failed –"

"Please, Señor Ezra?"

"Yes, sorry. I wanted to let you know that I will be leaving Four Corners."

She was certain her heart stopped. She knew it had been broken. "I see. I understand. When do you expect to leave?"

"Tomorrow."

"So soon? I suppose you will be sending for your things when you have decided –"

"No. Oh no. You have misunderstood. Or rather, I have misspoken. I am leaving, but will be returning. I am not abandoning the town," he smiled hesitantly, "or anyone in it." He couldn't explain why he suddenly felt like a schoolboy with a crush.

"Coming back? You will return Señor?"

"Inez, do you suppose for the sake of my nerves in this conversation I could convince you to simply call me Ezra? I now understand how frustrating the formal address can become."

"Of course – Ezra. How long will you be gone?"

"I am not certain. Several weeks most likely, but not beyond two months."

"Two months sounds like forever." She looked up, mortified when she realized she had spoken aloud.

Ezra felt a wave of relief. The others had been correct. It was immediately followed by a wave of terror at the fact the others had been correct.

"I am sorry Señ – Ezra. I should not have spoken."

"On the contrary. You should have spoken much earlier. We both should have."

"Then you also –?" She was afraid to finish the question.

"I believe I have had feelings for you almost from the moment we met. However, as you seemed far less attracted to me, and given Buck's persistent advances, I did not see a reason to give myself false hope."

"You did not think the fact that I continued to reject those advances meant something?"

"In hindsight, I concede it would have been a reasonable conclusion. And you? Why did you say nothing?"

"It is not a woman's place." Her reply was so demure Ezra had to bark out a laugh.

"I have never known you to pass by the opportunity to seek out anything you desired, including the position of managing this facility. Your gender has never once factored into your objectives."

"I did not believe you could be interested in me," she admitted.

"Why ever not? Did you think I was blind?"

"I was hoping it would go beyond that," she countered.

"And it would. It does. Sadly, it cannot be." He turned away, unable to face her with this fact.

"Yes. Propriety exists, even in Four Corners."

Ezra looked back. "Propriety? That has nothing to do with this. It simply would not do for you to be seen with someone like me. You deserve so much better. So much more." He stood to leave, but she grabbed at his arm.

"No, wait. What do you mean better? Have you not come to accept that you are not the man you used to be?"

Ezra's face fell even further. "That, my dear, is precisely the problem. I am not." This time she stood, blocking his path.

"Madre de Dios! That is not what I meant. Ezra, this, what happened to you. It changes nothing."

"It changes everything. I am not proper companionship for you. For any woman." He stared at her, praying she understood without needing any further explanation.

"There is more than one way to measure the worth of a man. Having the courage to face what you did and recover from it. And now to come to me like this, that is the kind of man any woman would be proud to be with. And as for any other matters, well, it is entirely possible you simply have not had the – how does one say it – 'inspiration' you might require." She leaned closer, pulling him gently toward her by the lapels until their lips met. She did not let go until they were both in danger of passing out.

"So, do you think there is a chance I might be able to provide any of the required inspiration Ezra?"

Ezra smiled slowly. "I cannot say for certain, but I do believe I shall thoroughly enjoy the investigation of the possibilities. It is quite likely this is a matter that will be requiring a great deal of attention when I return."

"So, you still have to leave?"

"Yes, for many reasons. That hasn't changed. My motivation for a speedy return however has been significantly increased." He turned to leave once again, this time with a much broader smile on his face. He only got a few steps before turning back.

"I believe you have something that you have been keeping safe for me. I wonder if I could ask you now to return it."

Her hand went to her neck with a chain still rested. "Of course." She was obviously confused and disappointed.

"I ask only because I have long held onto that ring with one very specific purpose in mind. I believe, in the not too distant future, I may need to offer it, and it would be far more appropriate to have it in my possession when that time comes."

He was gratified to see the blush on her face as she handed the ring back to him.

 ** _tbc_**

 ** _M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7_**


	8. Chapter 8

Ezra left as promised the next morning. He was doing a good job of hiding the anxiety, and the others tried to do the same, keeping the departure as normal as was possible. Not one of them stopped watching until the stagecoach was out of sight. The temptation to follow it was almost overwhelming.

As promised, there were several short telegrams, which both reassured and worried them when they realized after three weeks that Ezra had gone to Atlanta.

"Think he's looking for Maude?" Vin wondered.

"Hope not. I doubt he'd be ready to handle that."

"Nobody is ever ready to handle Maude, Chris." Josiah corrected. "but I'd feel better if he done it with us around."

"Don't know what he's looking for, but it ain't her," JD informed them. "He told me he tracked her down in San Francisco and sent her a telegram. I wouldn't be surprised if she hadn't even realized he been missing if you hadn't told her Chris."

"So, what's he doing?"

"Maybe he just needed to go somewhere. More about the trip than the destination."

A bit more than week later the telegram announcing he was on his way back was celebrated long into the night. They had almost come to blows over who would meet him when the stage arrived. Such discussions were not meant to be held after losing count of beer consumption. Fate again intervened. Vin and JD were summoned to the Wells property to help repair some damaged fencing. Nathan was called away to care for a sick child, and Chris had patrol duty. He decided it would be a poor display of his leadership skills to force someone to switch. Not to mention the fact that his subtle suggestion that he would take volunteers was soundly dismissed. That left only Buck and Josiah to do battle, and a coin toss meant Josiah stayed at the jail house to keep watch over a couple of drunken cowboys, while Buck met the coach.

He was a little disappointed to see no obvious changes. The Ezra that had left town a month earlier was basically the same man who stood before him now. "What were you expecting Buck?"

He didn't realize he'd been so obvious. "Nothing Ezra. Just glad to see you back. Others will be too. You going to join us for dinner – tell us about your trip?" He bent to pick up Ezra's case, which had been tossed from the top of the coach. "I'll take that one, thank you. Could you get the other?" A newer, larger bag was lowered, and Buck looked at it suspiciously. "You only had one when you left."

"And now I have two," he replied, offering no further explanation. "And yes, I'll be happy to join you all this evening. Right now, however, I need to freshen up." Buck put the case in Ezra's room when they got there, while Ezra opened a window to air things out. While still looking out over the town, he decided to start taking care of some of the items he had resolved to address on his return.

"Buck, might I impose on you for another favour?"

"Doesn't hurt to ask."

"I would very much like to opportunity to meet those who saved Chaucer. Would you be willing to escort me at some point?"

"I'll talk to Chris about switching around some patrol schedules. I think they'd like to meet you too." He paused for a moment. "Ez?" Ezra turned. "I meant it you know – it's good to have you back."

"It is truly good to be back as well."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

"JD, if you don't stop tapping on the table, I am going to break your fingers." Buck snarled.

"Well excuse me for being anxious. You got to see him already."

"You sure he's okay? That he's coming down?" Nathan had asked the same question at least four times before.

"Dammit, I said he was fine. Just relax already. He's two minutes late – don't think we need to get a search party together yet."

"For what lost soul would we be searching?" They turned at the sound of Ezra's voice, and froze. A moment later none were able to hide their smiles as Ezra strode confidently into the room, grinning widely enough to show off the sparkling gold tooth. As he neared the table, he spun slowly, allowing the red coat to flare out slightly as he moved. "I take it the new look meets with your approval."

"What new look? That's the old look Ezra."

"It most certainly is not, Mr. Dunne." Ezra feigned offense at the notion. "The cut of the jacket is much more tapered, and the lapels are narrower. Note the well-defined leather trim at the pockets and collar. Definitely a new look."

"Our apologies Ezra. Guess we're not up-to-date on fashion trends."

"No concern Vin. I shall endeavour to ensure that aspect of your education is addressed in the future."

"So, this was all about a shopping trip?" Buck teased lightly. "Got yourself all fixed up again?"

"Restored to my former glory, one might say."

 _It's about damn time._ Chris thought, smiling. Out loud, he added "I'd ask if you enjoyed the trip, but the grin on your face kinda gives it away."

"Indeed, it was a successful venture Chris. In every way I had hoped."

"Don't suppose you picked up any working clothes, did you Pard?"

"That would depend on the kind of work you have in mind."

"Well Josiah could use some help cleaning up those weed plants behind the church," Nathan offered.

"I do not believe any of my recent purchases would be well-suited to gardening. My apologies, Josiah."

"Roof of the jail has some leaks that need fixing," JD suggested.

"Tar does not blend well with the fabrics I selected."

They were all stifling their laughter. Vin grinned. "Nettie could likely use a hand mending a couple more fences."

The smile dropped from Ezra's face, and he made a move to stand. "Why are we just sitting here then? That need should be addressed immediately."

Vin felt guilty about striking such a reaction. "Easy Ezra. I'm just teasing you. We already fixed things up for her."

"That sainted lady shall want for nothing that is within my power to offer."

"I get that Ezra. We all feel the same."

"Tell me Ezra," Chris sought to get the attention away from Vin's blunder, "you get any riding clothes?"

"I assume you refer to something appropriate for patrol?"

Chris nodded slowly, and the others sat perfectly still, waiting for the response.

Ezra reached to the centre of the table, retrieving a deck of cards resting there. He shuffled, slowly at first then with more of his trademark flare. He looked up, grinning at the looks he was getting.

"I have two suitable pairs of riding pants and several shirts, along with a new jacket that will serve me well as the weather cools down." He flared and rippled the cards a few more times, before gathering them together and holding them up. "Now, do any of you feel up to taking me on in a game of cards? I can only play for a short time though. I have a date for this evening."

 _The End for now._

 _Let's leave Ezra and Inez a bit of privacy to get comfortable with each. We can visit them again in the future._

I am sure Ezra would thank you for all the kind words of encouragement and support. I know I do!


End file.
